I always want to blog but I never know what about. Maybe that just means that I want to write something -- and apparently blogging is the only way to get the words out.
I don't even have anything creative to say anyway.
I don't even know.
I have so much going on right now and I've been up since 5:30am and it's after midnight.
I got a new job -- just, FYI.
I DID work at a bank.
I am totally cut out for customer service. People LOVE me, I'm friendly and talkative. I knew a lot of the customers by name -- if not by name, I recognized their faces and would remember our conversations. They loved me.
I will miss that about working at the bank.
I learned though that I'm too much of a hippie to work in a financial institution. I'm not all about 'take, take, take'. I like to give.
Another lesson I learned from that experience:
I'm becoming more and more okay with closed chapters.
Not "burning bridges" because that sounds ugly.
I'm okay with closing chapters. It's almost the New Year.
Let's close some chapters and open a new one.
Everything happens exactly like it's supposed to and I'm excited to see what else is coming.
I'm excited about the NEW chapter with my new job.
I hope this New Years is as awesome as last years was.
No, scratch that. Last year, I was cranky and tired and broke and at the gay bar (which I LOVED except that I was sober) and SOBER.
BUT, in fairness, everything I asked for (from the universe) on New Years last year, I got -- even if it wasn't EXACTLY what I meant. It was a 'be careful what you ask for' kind of lesson, for sure.
I asked for a kiss from a stranger and was practically assaulted by a random guy who I accused of having (and probably giving me) bacterial meningitis afterwards (I ended up being fine -- I may have overreacted but I doubt it).
I asked for a crazy night -- and while I stayed sober, one of my friends DID get arrested (which we didn't find out about until the next day), Constance and I walked all over downtown ATX looking for a cab and was almost thrown up on on a super drunk guy once we found one.
Soooo, maybe this year will NOT be crazy. Maybe this year will just be... like an old persons New Year.
But I doubt it. I already have my eye on a dress (A DRESS, I know! What's the world coming to?!) that is sparkly for whatever plans I make.
I never thought I was a 'sparkly dress' kind of girl -- and I'm not but I'm bringing it this New Years.
I've also started appreciating how awesome I am. I appreciate the weirdness about myself or the silliness. I also understand and know my flaws. I know who I can be, who I'm working to be and who I WANT to be. I believe in myself.
I just want to be like Betty White OR Lucy -- Ohh, or Mary Tyler Moore.
Just classy, smart, and hilarious.
I've said, "be the kind of person you would want to date..." and I have to say, I totally AM the kind of person I would date. There are some things that I need to work on but other than that, as conceited as it sounds, I would date myself if I were into girls and had a clone.
I'm pretty amazing sometimes. Just saying.
Stay tuned for the Best and Worst of 2012!
Showing posts with label jackie/marilyn. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jackie/marilyn. Show all posts
Friday, December 21, 2012
Saturday, April 28, 2012
that girls got legs for days.
I have two pairs of jean shorts that didn't fit me very well last summer. They were tight. I hated wearing them and often DIDN'T because they just didn't fit me.
Well, they were tight in the waist. Nothing ever fits me right in the legs because my legs aren't fat. My legs are long and becoming the awesome they were always meant to be but my legs had an unfair advantage anyway. I've been said to have "chicken legs" -- although I don't agree with that.
Anyway.
So back to these jean shorts of mine.
One pair was clean, the other dirty so obviously I opted to wear the clean ones. I put them on and even though I've put them on since I've started working out, the only thing I had noticed different was that they actually fit me.
Today when I put them on, they were a little loose but nothing too extreme. I mean, they were clean and they had that 'out of the dryer' shrink to them.
I wore them to the pool. After wearing them for a while, they had grown and were way too big for me. I feel like they are going to fall off me.
My Batman shirt is getting bigger.
Trust me, I'm only complaining because I can't just replace my clothes all the time.
If anything, I'm bragging.
But after all the sweating and wanting to give up, I don't even feel bad about bragging.
I've earned it.
Even still, it amazes me what is happening to my clothes and body -- AND my mind.
Even last summer, when I would squeeze into these shorts, I wouldn't ever wear them anywhere because I was insecure to show my legs. I know I said they've been called 'chicken legs' but I was still super insecure about it. In my mind, they were awful.
I'm not insecure about it anymore.
I have my moments where I'm like, "is she thinking, 'omg, why is she wearing those shorts?'" and then I catch a glimpse at my legs in a window and I'm like, "Huh. No, she's probably thinking, 'that girls got legs for days' and I wish I was as tall as her" -- which is exactly what I want people to think, that I have legs for days.
On a classic episode of Saved by the Bell entitled, 'Dancing to the Max', the gang enter a dance contest at the Max. Zach and Slater are predictably fighting over who gets the great honor of having Kelly as their dance partner.
Jessie offers to teach Zach to dance so Kelly will pick him but in the process, Zach decides he'd rather go with Jessie, even though, as she points out, she's taller than him.
In this episode, Jessie is really insecure about being taller than all the boys. Elizabeth Berkley is pretty tall -- her IMDB says she's 5'10" so I totally feel her insecurity on that one. She has these daydreams about growing every time a boy talks to her and then they get frightened of her ever-growing height.
I totally understand how she feels. I'm one inch taller than her and I often feel like my grand stature is intimidating.
But I've decided that I'm not going to be insecure anymore.
It's not even an 'I love myself as I am' kind of thing either. I'm just tall so I should get over it.
The whole point of this Saved by the Bell memory lane walk-a-thon is that I'm probably taller than you, dear favorite blog reader, and nothing will change that -- unless something awful happens to my legs OR you get experimental leg growth surgery (right, Constance?!). I don't suggest that though.
If I ever have a 'shorter than me' boyfriend, I'll just walk beside him and pretend like I'm his model, red carpet girlfriend with the great legs and it will be fine.
And yes, I am totally okay comparing my life and feelings to a Saved by the Bell episode.
Don't even get me started on the Very Special 'Hooked on Caffeine Pills' episode.
Seriously. It's like watching my life.
Well, they were tight in the waist. Nothing ever fits me right in the legs because my legs aren't fat. My legs are long and becoming the awesome they were always meant to be but my legs had an unfair advantage anyway. I've been said to have "chicken legs" -- although I don't agree with that.
Anyway.
So back to these jean shorts of mine.
One pair was clean, the other dirty so obviously I opted to wear the clean ones. I put them on and even though I've put them on since I've started working out, the only thing I had noticed different was that they actually fit me.
Today when I put them on, they were a little loose but nothing too extreme. I mean, they were clean and they had that 'out of the dryer' shrink to them.
I wore them to the pool. After wearing them for a while, they had grown and were way too big for me. I feel like they are going to fall off me.
My Batman shirt is getting bigger.
Trust me, I'm only complaining because I can't just replace my clothes all the time.
If anything, I'm bragging.
But after all the sweating and wanting to give up, I don't even feel bad about bragging.
I've earned it.
Even still, it amazes me what is happening to my clothes and body -- AND my mind.
Even last summer, when I would squeeze into these shorts, I wouldn't ever wear them anywhere because I was insecure to show my legs. I know I said they've been called 'chicken legs' but I was still super insecure about it. In my mind, they were awful.
I'm not insecure about it anymore.
I have my moments where I'm like, "is she thinking, 'omg, why is she wearing those shorts?'" and then I catch a glimpse at my legs in a window and I'm like, "Huh. No, she's probably thinking, 'that girls got legs for days' and I wish I was as tall as her" -- which is exactly what I want people to think, that I have legs for days.
On a classic episode of Saved by the Bell entitled, 'Dancing to the Max', the gang enter a dance contest at the Max. Zach and Slater are predictably fighting over who gets the great honor of having Kelly as their dance partner.
Jessie offers to teach Zach to dance so Kelly will pick him but in the process, Zach decides he'd rather go with Jessie, even though, as she points out, she's taller than him.
In this episode, Jessie is really insecure about being taller than all the boys. Elizabeth Berkley is pretty tall -- her IMDB says she's 5'10" so I totally feel her insecurity on that one. She has these daydreams about growing every time a boy talks to her and then they get frightened of her ever-growing height.
I totally understand how she feels. I'm one inch taller than her and I often feel like my grand stature is intimidating.
But I've decided that I'm not going to be insecure anymore.
It's not even an 'I love myself as I am' kind of thing either. I'm just tall so I should get over it.
The whole point of this Saved by the Bell memory lane walk-a-thon is that I'm probably taller than you, dear favorite blog reader, and nothing will change that -- unless something awful happens to my legs OR you get experimental leg growth surgery (right, Constance?!). I don't suggest that though.
If I ever have a 'shorter than me' boyfriend, I'll just walk beside him and pretend like I'm his model, red carpet girlfriend with the great legs and it will be fine.
And yes, I am totally okay comparing my life and feelings to a Saved by the Bell episode.
Don't even get me started on the Very Special 'Hooked on Caffeine Pills' episode.
Seriously. It's like watching my life.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
a fox or a hound...?
Lisa Turtle and I went on a hike today. It was actually pretty tame. I remember the first time I walked that trail with Blake* (the name I'm giving my exhusband -- so I can stop calling him, 'exhusband') and our children.
I was so out of shape, I had to stop a lot of times and catch my breath. It felt like Mount Everest and I was for sure that I couldn't conquer it. I even doubted myself today, even though we do inclines just about every day.
What happened this time?! Nothing but awesomeness.
I think we stopped once so Lisa Turtle could respond to a text but other than that, we kept on keepin' on and it was a breeze. Plus, it was actually breezy outside. It was a beautiful day today.
I'm pretty sure we saw a baby fox -- and I was pretty sure that wherever a baby fox was, a momma fox was surely close behind.
Thankfully, Momma Fox was not a helicopter mom and we didn't run into danger.
Well, if you don't count the dangerous 'bunny' I almost mistook for a baby fox, we made it off that trail fairly unscathed.
Seeing that baby fox felt like the universe was asking me a question though:
Do you want to be a FOX or a hound?
Not that I'm a hound now but that was the general idea.
Perhaps the universe was asking, do you want to be a bad-ass fox or a fluffy, sweet bunny that the fox devours? The universe was giving me a lot to ponder over.
For the past two weeks, I had lost my motivation. I know Lisa Turtle also had a motivation problem, which sucked for both of us. Usually, one of us is super pumped up and supports the other to get through the exercise and it varied from day to day on which one of us was more excited.
Since we were both in a rut, we were not feeling very pumped or up to pumping each other... up.
I haven't actually been pumped in a while but fret not, that isn't the kind of pumped I'm talking about.
I don't actually think we've worked on our abs in a hot minute. I was kind of disappointed in myself because of it.
So today, after the hike, I was ready to face the universe head-on and give my decision to the universes imperative life question.
I decided I want to be a fox.
Lisa talks about how I have this natural charm, that I'm charming and I can't help it. I hope that's true.
I hope that means I'm pretty on the inside. I know I'm pretty on the outside - have you seen my eyes? Hello. Maybe I'm a bunny on the inside -- I need to be more fox-like on the inside because I'm tired of people running all over me.
Besides that, I also need to work on a few physical things (to be fox-like on the outside).
Like always, I got this. Sometimes I lose it but today, I've got it.
My motivation is back and it's overwhelming right now.
Right now, I'm so motivated, I feel like I could pick up the world and drop it on your f*cking head. Ahhh, Weezy F Baby and Eminem. :)
"My head is swoll, my confidence is up. This stage is my pedestal. I'm unstoppable -- the Incredible Hulk, you're trapped in my medicine ball. I can run circles around you so fast your f*ckin head will spin..."
It's my jam.
I'm also in the middle of writing this script about Jason Segel. The ideas I'm coming up with are hilarious and I'm really excited about it. I've got pages and pages of notes that I've taken while I'm supposed to be sleeping. I can't sleep, I just lay there and write my ideas down. I have one scene written but I think I'm going to write it out the rest in story form, but brief story form so I don't get burnt out writing the same things over and over again.
I'm pretty excited about it -- I just need to organize my thoughts.
Also, it was a victory today, when we finally confirmed 'Hot Teachers' name at the Science Fair.
I feel like everything is going to come together nicely, if I just be patient and let it.
I need to stop waiting for things to happen and MAKE them happen.
I've already started. I already KNOW this but sometimes I forget. Sometimes I lose it.
I found it and I'm motivated again. Thankfully. Happily.
I was so out of shape, I had to stop a lot of times and catch my breath. It felt like Mount Everest and I was for sure that I couldn't conquer it. I even doubted myself today, even though we do inclines just about every day.
What happened this time?! Nothing but awesomeness.
I think we stopped once so Lisa Turtle could respond to a text but other than that, we kept on keepin' on and it was a breeze. Plus, it was actually breezy outside. It was a beautiful day today.
I'm pretty sure we saw a baby fox -- and I was pretty sure that wherever a baby fox was, a momma fox was surely close behind.
Thankfully, Momma Fox was not a helicopter mom and we didn't run into danger.
Well, if you don't count the dangerous 'bunny' I almost mistook for a baby fox, we made it off that trail fairly unscathed.
Seeing that baby fox felt like the universe was asking me a question though:
Do you want to be a FOX or a hound?
Not that I'm a hound now but that was the general idea.
Perhaps the universe was asking, do you want to be a bad-ass fox or a fluffy, sweet bunny that the fox devours? The universe was giving me a lot to ponder over.
For the past two weeks, I had lost my motivation. I know Lisa Turtle also had a motivation problem, which sucked for both of us. Usually, one of us is super pumped up and supports the other to get through the exercise and it varied from day to day on which one of us was more excited.
Since we were both in a rut, we were not feeling very pumped or up to pumping each other... up.
I haven't actually been pumped in a while but fret not, that isn't the kind of pumped I'm talking about.
I don't actually think we've worked on our abs in a hot minute. I was kind of disappointed in myself because of it.
So today, after the hike, I was ready to face the universe head-on and give my decision to the universes imperative life question.
I decided I want to be a fox.
Lisa talks about how I have this natural charm, that I'm charming and I can't help it. I hope that's true.
I hope that means I'm pretty on the inside. I know I'm pretty on the outside - have you seen my eyes? Hello. Maybe I'm a bunny on the inside -- I need to be more fox-like on the inside because I'm tired of people running all over me.
Besides that, I also need to work on a few physical things (to be fox-like on the outside).
Like always, I got this. Sometimes I lose it but today, I've got it.
My motivation is back and it's overwhelming right now.
Right now, I'm so motivated, I feel like I could pick up the world and drop it on your f*cking head. Ahhh, Weezy F Baby and Eminem. :)
"My head is swoll, my confidence is up. This stage is my pedestal. I'm unstoppable -- the Incredible Hulk, you're trapped in my medicine ball. I can run circles around you so fast your f*ckin head will spin..."
It's my jam.
I'm also in the middle of writing this script about Jason Segel. The ideas I'm coming up with are hilarious and I'm really excited about it. I've got pages and pages of notes that I've taken while I'm supposed to be sleeping. I can't sleep, I just lay there and write my ideas down. I have one scene written but I think I'm going to write it out the rest in story form, but brief story form so I don't get burnt out writing the same things over and over again.
I'm pretty excited about it -- I just need to organize my thoughts.
Also, it was a victory today, when we finally confirmed 'Hot Teachers' name at the Science Fair.
I feel like everything is going to come together nicely, if I just be patient and let it.
I need to stop waiting for things to happen and MAKE them happen.
I've already started. I already KNOW this but sometimes I forget. Sometimes I lose it.
I found it and I'm motivated again. Thankfully. Happily.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
you don't have to go fast, you just have to go.
I forgot my BITT goals. I'm not even going to front right now and pretend like I didn't.
I almost couldn't even help it and it was at that point that I realize it's going to be a BATTLE for me not to include 'romance' in my life. It's not apart of my goals.
I feel like it's mandatory we should go over my Before I Turn THIRTY Goals again:
Jake isn't tall enough and also, he's very outdoorsy. Like, he likes to hike and bike, etc. I don't mind doing those things occasionally but I'm not trying to make them hobbies. I feel like he would also intimidate me. However, Jason Segel IS tall enough, he's really funny -- and SO creative. He isn't traditionally 'sexy' (like Jake) but he's very very sexy to me (and to many other women). He can rock the man-scarf like no other man in this world and once Constance and I start writing our TV Show (for Showtime -- or, at least, cable!), I figure that will be my 'IN' to meet him. Either way, I'm not working as hard at the tv show as I should be (since it's my 'in', after all) but I've started it. Jake or Jason, it's safe to say that I definitely have NOT made any head-way on that situation either.
(and for some reason, I felt my spiel about Jason Segel not only warranted an update to my blog but it also went off in a direction (and feel) that the rest of the post doesn't go and I'm just going to allow it...)
Unless and of course, if I'm romancing, texting, sexing, dating and loving Jason Segel -- my only exception.
Anyway.
I made myself sad last night, and then again today. I went to the store to buy a book last night. I spotted my next big purchase, Jacqueline Kennedy: Historic Conversations on Life with John F. Kennedy. I picked it up and rubbed it against my face (okay, no, not really) and read the back. I was so excited.
Then I remembered the 20/20 Special that played some of the clips from the audio and I sat it back on the shelf. I can't even listen to her talk about him -- it breaks my heart. It really, truly breaks my heart and I cry. I can't imagine loving someone and losing them that way, watching them die. Sitting there, watching. How awful and heartbreaking.
Today, I was thinking about how I want that kind of love though. Not the tragic kind but the way she speaks about him -- if you've heard it, you know. I know it was only 4 months after he was assassinated but I believe her words, I believe how she felt. Loving someone like that makes a person so vulnerable.
I thought, "I can never love anyone like that because once I do, they will hurt me. I can't be hurt again. I just can't..."
My walls get higher.
And you know, even with all that, it's still going to be a battle for me -- even though it makes me feel stupid and I hate it, even though I don't believe in 'soulmates', even though I don't believe in the kind of love I would want, it's going to be a battle because I so very much want it to happen.
I know it's the romantic in me. Trust me, I hate it.
I have to find it in myself, like I already said. I have to find it with other people, in different ways.
I have to work towards my REAL goals and let life figure out that part for me because I can't.
I have my besties, my friends, my family, my girls and I also have a little magic so really, I'm good.
I almost couldn't even help it and it was at that point that I realize it's going to be a BATTLE for me not to include 'romance' in my life. It's not apart of my goals.
I feel like it's mandatory we should go over my Before I Turn THIRTY Goals again:
- get my Bachelors Degree in public relations. That is what I've decided and it's going to happen. It really is a dream of mine for my family to see me graduate from college. It might sound silly but that's just how I feel. I am excited about it though.
- move to Austin -- that actually doesn't even have to happen. Can I exchange that one for something else?! I'm going to exchange that to "Move somewhere that I can find peace."
- Get a Honda Civic. I'm not worried about that one right now.
- Lose weight. Working on it slowly but surely.
- Find and marry Jake Gyllenhaal. Since I'm making changes to my goals, though, I would like to change 'Jake Gyllenhaal' to 'Jason Segel'.
Jake isn't tall enough and also, he's very outdoorsy. Like, he likes to hike and bike, etc. I don't mind doing those things occasionally but I'm not trying to make them hobbies. I feel like he would also intimidate me. However, Jason Segel IS tall enough, he's really funny -- and SO creative. He isn't traditionally 'sexy' (like Jake) but he's very very sexy to me (and to many other women). He can rock the man-scarf like no other man in this world and once Constance and I start writing our TV Show (for Showtime -- or, at least, cable!), I figure that will be my 'IN' to meet him. Either way, I'm not working as hard at the tv show as I should be (since it's my 'in', after all) but I've started it. Jake or Jason, it's safe to say that I definitely have NOT made any head-way on that situation either.
(and for some reason, I felt my spiel about Jason Segel not only warranted an update to my blog but it also went off in a direction (and feel) that the rest of the post doesn't go and I'm just going to allow it...)
The 'I need to get out of this closed box so I don't suffocate to death and anything extraneous will just get in the way' list:
- romance.
- men.
- boys.
- sex.
- love.
- texting.
- dating.
Unless and of course, if I'm romancing, texting, sexing, dating and loving Jason Segel -- my only exception.
Anyway.
I made myself sad last night, and then again today. I went to the store to buy a book last night. I spotted my next big purchase, Jacqueline Kennedy: Historic Conversations on Life with John F. Kennedy. I picked it up and rubbed it against my face (okay, no, not really) and read the back. I was so excited.
Then I remembered the 20/20 Special that played some of the clips from the audio and I sat it back on the shelf. I can't even listen to her talk about him -- it breaks my heart. It really, truly breaks my heart and I cry. I can't imagine loving someone and losing them that way, watching them die. Sitting there, watching. How awful and heartbreaking.
Today, I was thinking about how I want that kind of love though. Not the tragic kind but the way she speaks about him -- if you've heard it, you know. I know it was only 4 months after he was assassinated but I believe her words, I believe how she felt. Loving someone like that makes a person so vulnerable.
I thought, "I can never love anyone like that because once I do, they will hurt me. I can't be hurt again. I just can't..."
My walls get higher.
And you know, even with all that, it's still going to be a battle for me -- even though it makes me feel stupid and I hate it, even though I don't believe in 'soulmates', even though I don't believe in the kind of love I would want, it's going to be a battle because I so very much want it to happen.
I know it's the romantic in me. Trust me, I hate it.
I have to find it in myself, like I already said. I have to find it with other people, in different ways.
I have to work towards my REAL goals and let life figure out that part for me because I can't.
I have my besties, my friends, my family, my girls and I also have a little magic so really, I'm good.
 |
| it's time to shake the world |
Saturday, November 26, 2011
"it must be cold there in my shadow..."
I am about over it. Seriously.
I know that isn't Andy's quote from Shawshank Redemption.
The quote is "get busy living or get busy dying".
Either way, it's true.
My blog is called 'can't really say the sh*t I wanna say' for a reason, huh?! It sure as hell is.
Anyway.
(random subject change:)
I know I'm not like normal girls. I get awkward around people but not in the Zooey Deschanel, "a-dork-able" way -- but also, not like my former astronomy teacher either. It's very clear to me, at times, that I am different. I say random things. This just started. I went from not saying anything when meeting new people to saying what I'm thinking. Sometimes it turns people off. Sometimes when I'm around people that obviously aren't as... "smart" as I am, I can literally feel the mood switch in the room and suddenly, I'm this weirdo who knows too much. Maybe I seem arrogant because I use 'big words' or because I watch the news (sometimes) or maybe I seem nerdy because I can quote Shawshank Redemption or Back to the Future or The IT Crowd (or that I even know what The IT Crowd is --Chris O'Dowd-- (the real one!) squeeeee!...).
I know I'm not like normal girls because there are things about myself that I value that others don't. Most of my friends aren't like 'normal' girls either so I'm lucky that way.
I don't even know why I'm discussing my weirdness.
I need to be venting about living in the shadow of other people. Apparently that's where I live -- and have lived. I'm stuck in the shadow of other people. Well, one other person and it's chilly as hell.
I'm over it.
I am meant for something. This whole thing -- this whole divorce FEELS like it's the right thing.
 |
| Welcome back. |
Marilyn has been taking the focus off my BITT goals.
Jackie is back now.
And trust that I will shine and be the person outside that I know I am inside.
Because inside? I'm a friggin' shining star.
I will not fizzle out and be nothing.
Monday, September 5, 2011
it's loves illusion, i recall...
My oldest daughter asked me the other day why there were so many songs on the radio about love. I'm sure as an 8 year old, romantic love is very confusing. People are happy about it ("girl, you're amazing, just the way you are..."), people are unhappy about it ("I hate everything about you, why do I love you?") -- there are so many different feelings going on, so many different situations.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Dear David Duchovny,
Sitting on my couch watching an X-Files marathon, munching on my 1oz bowl of Brach's Hawaiian Punch flavored jellybeans and cuddled up with the homemade river quilt my grandma made, I've come to the conclusion that you are a very sexy man and we should meet forthwith. I've known about your undeniable sexiness for a while -- and it could be my loneliness overshadowing any sense of good judgement I may have but for some reason, I am finding you very attractive tonight. So much so that I am skipping any episode that is Scully-based and which you do not appear. I'm sure they are excellent episodes and Gillian Anderson is so beautiful, it's ridiculous but let's face it, not really why I'm watchin' the show. 
I've also been watching Californication so I know I'm not just attracted to the character of "Fox Mulder" -- although his passion for his job is an attractive quality for a man to have -- a quality I hope my NEXT husband has. The character of "Hank" on Californication is OKAY but he's not Fox Mulder. Regardless, there is a lot of sex on that show and I think you're doing it on purpose -- to tease me. I'm 99% sure that's exactly what is going on -- you're teasing ME personally.
Please don't mistake this public love declaration for anything more than what it is. I fully intend on continuing on to marry my betrothed, Jake Gyllenhaal on or around my 30th birthday in four years so please don't make a scene by begging me to be with you. BUT I'm pretty sure if I ever saw you, Marilyn would come out in full force and you wouldn't even know what to do with yourself, you'd be so smitten. On my Notarized Celebrity Sex List (yes, it's really notarized), you are on there so you can tell I really mean what I say. This document is legally binding so that any fornication between the two of us is acceptable (even though we're both married). In fact, I'm not sure that it's not mandatory at this point since I went out of my way (through THREE different lists before ending with the one with your name on it -- some quality men were bumped off this list to include you) to get it notarized. Feel special, as future husband, Jake Gyllenhaal is NOT on my notarized list.
X-Files is calling my name so I must end this letter to you now. I hope to run into you soon, David Duchovny (although I'm sure if I actually did meet you, I would become someone other than Jackie OR Marilyn --It would be more Violet Anne Bickerstaff than anything).
Good luck with everything... you know what I mean.
X-Files is calling my name so I must end this letter to you now. I hope to run into you soon, David Duchovny (although I'm sure if I actually did meet you, I would become someone other than Jackie OR Marilyn --It would be more Violet Anne Bickerstaff than anything).
Good luck with everything... you know what I mean.
Sincerely Yours (until Jake and I become engaged),
Shark Attack
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Jackie Kennedy/Marilyn Monroe
I love first kisses. I love that moment when you look at the other person and you just KNOW it's going to happen. Jenkins and I were talking about it the other day and I just can't see a new First Kiss happening for me anytime soon.
As per my 4-year plan, I KNOW that romance isn't playing any part in my life right now. I'm NOT looking for anyone -- which is the reason I can't see it happening. I'm not available. I'm not available to you or to any of your friends. I'm just not.
The recent conversations with my friends have made me think about men -- or, in my case, the sudden decline of men in my life. What is it about men that is causing me to miss their presence? I like being around men, I like smelling them (provided they smell good), I like TALKING to them. I love it when they do things with their hands and have deep voices.
I also like to be feminine and I like to flirt. No, correction -- I LOVE to flirt. I flirt like a f*ckin' CHAMP. For some reason, instead of being scared or nervous (like how I WANT to be), something takes over me -- I'm pretty sure it's the spirit of Marilyn Monroe. I become funnier than usual and witty. My lips gets softer, my hair shines brighter and my smile?? The way my MOUTH reacts to an attractive man embarrasses me.
But not in the moment. It's only later, when I replay it over in my head do I get embarrassed. Then I tell myself that I'm not going to do it again -- that it's embarrassing and just wrong. So wrong.
Is that how Jackie Kennedy would act?!
And does that stop me next time? No, it sure doesn't.
Constance compared me to Jackie Kennedy one day and it made me so happy. Jackie Kennedy Onassis is the epitome of class. She stood by her husband, even though he had many affairs -- Jackie O. would not have divorced her husband like I am. She didn't put him on blast or cause drama. AND she's still looked up to as a fashion icon. To be compared to Jackie Kennedy is one of the best compliments that I've ever received.
When I flirt the way I do, it's NOT very Jackie Kennedy of me AT ALL.
My mom said, "you are going to come through [this divorce] with grace and dignity and with pride in yourself." THAT is Jackie Kennedy. The way I act around attractive men is pure Marilyn Monroe.
I really enjoy these two different sides of myself though. I'm unpredictable, even to myself at times. I can be Jackie Kennedy all day and then have these brief flashes where I'm someone else -- someone sexy in an obvious way: Marilyn.
As per my 4-year plan, I KNOW that romance isn't playing any part in my life right now. I'm NOT looking for anyone -- which is the reason I can't see it happening. I'm not available. I'm not available to you or to any of your friends. I'm just not.
The recent conversations with my friends have made me think about men -- or, in my case, the sudden decline of men in my life. What is it about men that is causing me to miss their presence? I like being around men, I like smelling them (provided they smell good), I like TALKING to them. I love it when they do things with their hands and have deep voices.
I also like to be feminine and I like to flirt. No, correction -- I LOVE to flirt. I flirt like a f*ckin' CHAMP. For some reason, instead of being scared or nervous (like how I WANT to be), something takes over me -- I'm pretty sure it's the spirit of Marilyn Monroe. I become funnier than usual and witty. My lips gets softer, my hair shines brighter and my smile?? The way my MOUTH reacts to an attractive man embarrasses me.
But not in the moment. It's only later, when I replay it over in my head do I get embarrassed. Then I tell myself that I'm not going to do it again -- that it's embarrassing and just wrong. So wrong.
Is that how Jackie Kennedy would act?!
And does that stop me next time? No, it sure doesn't.
Constance compared me to Jackie Kennedy one day and it made me so happy. Jackie Kennedy Onassis is the epitome of class. She stood by her husband, even though he had many affairs -- Jackie O. would not have divorced her husband like I am. She didn't put him on blast or cause drama. AND she's still looked up to as a fashion icon. To be compared to Jackie Kennedy is one of the best compliments that I've ever received.
When I flirt the way I do, it's NOT very Jackie Kennedy of me AT ALL.
My mom said, "you are going to come through [this divorce] with grace and dignity and with pride in yourself." THAT is Jackie Kennedy. The way I act around attractive men is pure Marilyn Monroe.
I really enjoy these two different sides of myself though. I'm unpredictable, even to myself at times. I can be Jackie Kennedy all day and then have these brief flashes where I'm someone else -- someone sexy in an obvious way: Marilyn.
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