I haven't blogged in forever.
FOREVER.
I've heard I exaggerate too much. I guess if more than one person independently says I exaggerate too much, then perhaps I do.
I like to think of it as my overactive imagination getting the best of me.
It's too much for people sometimes. It's too much for ME sometimes.
ANYWAY!!!
In April I had decided my Halloween goal was to lose 44lbs.
Unfortunately, I've only lost about HALF of that (approximately 20lbs, give or take depending on the day). There is still roughly SIX weeks to go to lose the rest of it -- 24lbs. I'm hopeful. Six weeks is a long time and in June, I lost 10lbs in two weeks by doing nothing except eating super small amounts of food and only drinking water.
The human body doesn't need much food to survive. We over-eat all the time. I ate too much today -- and I feel so gross, I feel like I should be sweating just from breathing.
Personally, I think three meals a day is way too much. In June, I cut it down to ONE 'meal' a day but mostly light snacking throughout the day. I'll probably go back to that.
I really feel like I've got this. Before I started this post, I was iffy about it but after writing all this out and figuring out how much time I have and whatnot, I'm starting to feel optimistic about it again.
Currently, the amount of weight I've lost total is approximately 52lbs from March 2011.
That's... you know, good. I feel like I could do better.
I have a job now (bank teller) so that really limits the amount of time I have to work out. My time is stretched thin between work, my kids and various other people in my life. BUT even if I don't have time to make it to the gym, I have a whole 'gated community' at my disposal. It's starting to cool off outside. I'm probably going to have my children walk with me. That way they can exercise too AND spend time with me. Two birds, one stone. I told you I got this.
My oldest has an MP3 player. If I'm going to make them work out with me, perhaps I need to get my youngest one an MP3 player too.
I've been feeling very negative lately. Trying to find childcare so I can work stresses me out. I'm putting my kids in an after-school program AND work transferred me to another branch with hours more kid-friendly. I have amazing people who help me also but it still stresses me out. I'm working on it though. I'm coming back 'round and thankfully, it's all getting figured out.
I hate relying on other people because I still feel like other people will let you down and disappoint you so it's better to figure out everything on your own -- and then MAYBE let other people help. I always need a Plan B.
Other than that, I really do love life right now. I have future plans.
I haven't forgotten my BITT Goals. I'm working on them slowly and steadily.
I am happy.
Showing posts with label being epic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label being epic. Show all posts
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
making friends at the movies
I went and saw The Avengers last night and I should have known right from the get-go that the night was going to be strange.
I was planning on leaving early because I figured there would be a lot of people there and I wanted a good seat. I told Michelle Tanner that I didn't want to leave yet because I was afraid I'd be the only one there that early.
"Well, you could call the movie theater and ask if there are people in line already," she suggested.
"That seems a bit drastic just to make sure I don't look desperate and super excited about the movie," I said. But she grabbed my phone and called anyway.
And even after all that, the guy put her on hold and never came back. She hung up and I never got the answer to my question so I decided to just go.
I got there about 10:45pm and the theater was open. I walked in and there were people already there.
My FAVORITE spot in a theater is three rows from the top, directly in the middle. It's the best spot in the whole place so I'm sure I'm not alone in this.
As I was walking into the theater, though, I thought I needed to make a game plan for coming to the movies alone.
(Game Plan: The movie was 2.5 hours long, I was there a little over an hour early. I wasn't going to eat or drink anything so I didn't have to go to the bathroom during the movie (because if I got up and the theater was packed, there was nobody would save my seat).)
Yes, my game plan was to let myself dehydrate.
I walk into the theater and it wasn't too packed at that point. I looked to my spot and there were two guys sitting there BUT the whole row on either side of them was empty. I thought, I could sit two or three seats away from Red Shirt and still have a pretty good, all-encompassing view of the movie.
I walk up there and they are both watching me. Red Shirt is staring at me before I sit down so I ask if anyone is sitting there (even though it's two or three seats away from him).
"We're saving this whole row actually," Red Shirt said.
I blinked. "For who?"
"Our friends..."
"Don't you think if they wanted a good seat, they would have came earlier?" I asked him.
"They're running late..." he said and then checked his phone, all self-important-like.
"You have this many friends?" guesturing the whole row.
"They're from our choir. It's our church friends," he told me.
"Ahhh, you had to throw God at me, didn't you?"
Red Shirt told me was just kidding, that I could sit anywhere. There was a seat between him and his friend so I asked, "even that one?" and he said, yeah, I could sit there too.
I didn't though. I stayed in my spot.
I asked them what church they went to and the other guy (Shaggy Hair) told me it was the Baptist Presbyterian church.
I asked if it was southern Baptist and he said no, it was a northern chapter.
And then he said it was all men, "it's all men but they call it the 'All Boy (Northern) Baptist Presbyterian church".
They kept trying to get me to fetch them beverages, which I wouldn't do.
I thought about why I was so adament about saying no to them -- like, I wouldn't even pretend I would go get them. I haven't come up with a definitive answer for that one yet.
I asked them their names (after they got mine AND my grandma Shirleys name).
There is ONE guy name that I told Lisa Turtle if I ever met another guy named this, I would say, "Absolutely not" and turn around and walk away. I have horrible luck with guys named this but since it's super common, I realize I'll meet a lot more of them than I should.
These guys had the same name. The same 'I have horrible luck with guys named this' name.
It's a horror movie serial killer name -- the scariest one (IMO) and no, not Chuckie.
I couldn't believe their name. It was just too much.
But I decided I COULD befriend these guys for the duration of the movie -- after all, if I needed to use the bathroom, they very well might hold my seat for me.
The thought that they might wasn't enough for me to abandon my game plan and actually get a drink though.
I asked them how old they were and they wouldn't tell me. Shaggy Hair eventually told me that he was 22 and I thought, "I should've guessed they were youngsters when they weren't getting ANY of my pop culture references..."
While I was sitting there talking to them, another guy sat down 5 seats away from me. He was wearing a hat and I didn't recognize him.
Remember in my 'How To Get In My Pants 2', when I talked about the 18 year old boys who were friends with my sister? Well, we had all stopped being friends when one of the boys kept disrespecting me in my home. It ended with me telling him off in my front yard after he stole from me and then lied about it. THEN he deleted me and blocked me on Facebook (ohh, burn. I can tell you, that hurt the worst <-- sarcasm).
So as I'm sitting there, talking to my new friends and the 'guy wearing a hat''s friends showed up. To my surprise, I actually KNEW the guy in the hat and his friends -- it was the teenage boys who used to come over to my house. I said hi to them and they smiled and said hi back -- even though the whole thing was awkward. They looked at the guys I was with -- little did they know I had just met them and then we all turned away from each other.
That was awkward.
Finally the previews started and Shaggy Hair told me to silence my phone.
I said, "my phone is ALWAYS on silent!"
And then what happens after the Men in Black 3 trailer - you know, while the green screen of silence right before the preview starts? My sister, Kelly Kapowski, calls me.
The Doug theme song fills an entire 10ft radius with it's sound.
Shaggy Hair looked at me and said, 'SILENCE YOUR PHONE!"
Great, I thought, I'm that girl.
The movie ended up being really good though -- really funny, although I knew it would be. Joss Whedon is a pretty funny guy.
Everyone was upset about Mark Ruffalo replacing Edward Norton as the Hulk but it didn't bother me. Maybe it's because it's been YEARS since I've seen The Hulk and while I love Edward Norton, I just figure he should have known how big the movie was going to be and he chose to be unavailable.
I'm loving Chris Hemsworth as Thor. He does a GREAT job -- I just saw him in Cabin in the Woods and he wasn't Thor-like at all. I love it.
I was so sleepy that the 3D was hurting my eyes and a headache was starting to form but I managed to battle through it.
After the movie was over, my new friends and I parted ways.
We didn't exchange anything. Some things are better left as they are.
It was such a random evening.
I was planning on leaving early because I figured there would be a lot of people there and I wanted a good seat. I told Michelle Tanner that I didn't want to leave yet because I was afraid I'd be the only one there that early.
"Well, you could call the movie theater and ask if there are people in line already," she suggested.
"That seems a bit drastic just to make sure I don't look desperate and super excited about the movie," I said. But she grabbed my phone and called anyway.
And even after all that, the guy put her on hold and never came back. She hung up and I never got the answer to my question so I decided to just go.
I got there about 10:45pm and the theater was open. I walked in and there were people already there.
My FAVORITE spot in a theater is three rows from the top, directly in the middle. It's the best spot in the whole place so I'm sure I'm not alone in this.
As I was walking into the theater, though, I thought I needed to make a game plan for coming to the movies alone.
(Game Plan: The movie was 2.5 hours long, I was there a little over an hour early. I wasn't going to eat or drink anything so I didn't have to go to the bathroom during the movie (because if I got up and the theater was packed, there was nobody would save my seat).)
Yes, my game plan was to let myself dehydrate.
I walk into the theater and it wasn't too packed at that point. I looked to my spot and there were two guys sitting there BUT the whole row on either side of them was empty. I thought, I could sit two or three seats away from Red Shirt and still have a pretty good, all-encompassing view of the movie.
I walk up there and they are both watching me. Red Shirt is staring at me before I sit down so I ask if anyone is sitting there (even though it's two or three seats away from him).
"We're saving this whole row actually," Red Shirt said.
I blinked. "For who?"
"Our friends..."
"Don't you think if they wanted a good seat, they would have came earlier?" I asked him.
"They're running late..." he said and then checked his phone, all self-important-like.
"You have this many friends?" guesturing the whole row.
"They're from our choir. It's our church friends," he told me.
"Ahhh, you had to throw God at me, didn't you?"
Red Shirt told me was just kidding, that I could sit anywhere. There was a seat between him and his friend so I asked, "even that one?" and he said, yeah, I could sit there too.
I didn't though. I stayed in my spot.
I asked them what church they went to and the other guy (Shaggy Hair) told me it was the Baptist Presbyterian church.
I asked if it was southern Baptist and he said no, it was a northern chapter.
And then he said it was all men, "it's all men but they call it the 'All Boy (Northern) Baptist Presbyterian church".
They kept trying to get me to fetch them beverages, which I wouldn't do.
I thought about why I was so adament about saying no to them -- like, I wouldn't even pretend I would go get them. I haven't come up with a definitive answer for that one yet.
I asked them their names (after they got mine AND my grandma Shirleys name).
There is ONE guy name that I told Lisa Turtle if I ever met another guy named this, I would say, "Absolutely not" and turn around and walk away. I have horrible luck with guys named this but since it's super common, I realize I'll meet a lot more of them than I should.
These guys had the same name. The same 'I have horrible luck with guys named this' name.
It's a horror movie serial killer name -- the scariest one (IMO) and no, not Chuckie.
I couldn't believe their name. It was just too much.
But I decided I COULD befriend these guys for the duration of the movie -- after all, if I needed to use the bathroom, they very well might hold my seat for me.
The thought that they might wasn't enough for me to abandon my game plan and actually get a drink though.
I asked them how old they were and they wouldn't tell me. Shaggy Hair eventually told me that he was 22 and I thought, "I should've guessed they were youngsters when they weren't getting ANY of my pop culture references..."
While I was sitting there talking to them, another guy sat down 5 seats away from me. He was wearing a hat and I didn't recognize him.
Remember in my 'How To Get In My Pants 2', when I talked about the 18 year old boys who were friends with my sister? Well, we had all stopped being friends when one of the boys kept disrespecting me in my home. It ended with me telling him off in my front yard after he stole from me and then lied about it. THEN he deleted me and blocked me on Facebook (ohh, burn. I can tell you, that hurt the worst <-- sarcasm).
So as I'm sitting there, talking to my new friends and the 'guy wearing a hat''s friends showed up. To my surprise, I actually KNEW the guy in the hat and his friends -- it was the teenage boys who used to come over to my house. I said hi to them and they smiled and said hi back -- even though the whole thing was awkward. They looked at the guys I was with -- little did they know I had just met them and then we all turned away from each other.
That was awkward.
Finally the previews started and Shaggy Hair told me to silence my phone.
I said, "my phone is ALWAYS on silent!"
And then what happens after the Men in Black 3 trailer - you know, while the green screen of silence right before the preview starts? My sister, Kelly Kapowski, calls me.
The Doug theme song fills an entire 10ft radius with it's sound.
Shaggy Hair looked at me and said, 'SILENCE YOUR PHONE!"
Great, I thought, I'm that girl.
The movie ended up being really good though -- really funny, although I knew it would be. Joss Whedon is a pretty funny guy.
Everyone was upset about Mark Ruffalo replacing Edward Norton as the Hulk but it didn't bother me. Maybe it's because it's been YEARS since I've seen The Hulk and while I love Edward Norton, I just figure he should have known how big the movie was going to be and he chose to be unavailable.
I'm loving Chris Hemsworth as Thor. He does a GREAT job -- I just saw him in Cabin in the Woods and he wasn't Thor-like at all. I love it.
I was so sleepy that the 3D was hurting my eyes and a headache was starting to form but I managed to battle through it.
After the movie was over, my new friends and I parted ways.
We didn't exchange anything. Some things are better left as they are.
It was such a random evening.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
that girls got legs for days.
I have two pairs of jean shorts that didn't fit me very well last summer. They were tight. I hated wearing them and often DIDN'T because they just didn't fit me.
Well, they were tight in the waist. Nothing ever fits me right in the legs because my legs aren't fat. My legs are long and becoming the awesome they were always meant to be but my legs had an unfair advantage anyway. I've been said to have "chicken legs" -- although I don't agree with that.
Anyway.
So back to these jean shorts of mine.
One pair was clean, the other dirty so obviously I opted to wear the clean ones. I put them on and even though I've put them on since I've started working out, the only thing I had noticed different was that they actually fit me.
Today when I put them on, they were a little loose but nothing too extreme. I mean, they were clean and they had that 'out of the dryer' shrink to them.
I wore them to the pool. After wearing them for a while, they had grown and were way too big for me. I feel like they are going to fall off me.
My Batman shirt is getting bigger.
Trust me, I'm only complaining because I can't just replace my clothes all the time.
If anything, I'm bragging.
But after all the sweating and wanting to give up, I don't even feel bad about bragging.
I've earned it.
Even still, it amazes me what is happening to my clothes and body -- AND my mind.
Even last summer, when I would squeeze into these shorts, I wouldn't ever wear them anywhere because I was insecure to show my legs. I know I said they've been called 'chicken legs' but I was still super insecure about it. In my mind, they were awful.
I'm not insecure about it anymore.
I have my moments where I'm like, "is she thinking, 'omg, why is she wearing those shorts?'" and then I catch a glimpse at my legs in a window and I'm like, "Huh. No, she's probably thinking, 'that girls got legs for days' and I wish I was as tall as her" -- which is exactly what I want people to think, that I have legs for days.
On a classic episode of Saved by the Bell entitled, 'Dancing to the Max', the gang enter a dance contest at the Max. Zach and Slater are predictably fighting over who gets the great honor of having Kelly as their dance partner.
Jessie offers to teach Zach to dance so Kelly will pick him but in the process, Zach decides he'd rather go with Jessie, even though, as she points out, she's taller than him.
In this episode, Jessie is really insecure about being taller than all the boys. Elizabeth Berkley is pretty tall -- her IMDB says she's 5'10" so I totally feel her insecurity on that one. She has these daydreams about growing every time a boy talks to her and then they get frightened of her ever-growing height.
I totally understand how she feels. I'm one inch taller than her and I often feel like my grand stature is intimidating.
But I've decided that I'm not going to be insecure anymore.
It's not even an 'I love myself as I am' kind of thing either. I'm just tall so I should get over it.
The whole point of this Saved by the Bell memory lane walk-a-thon is that I'm probably taller than you, dear favorite blog reader, and nothing will change that -- unless something awful happens to my legs OR you get experimental leg growth surgery (right, Constance?!). I don't suggest that though.
If I ever have a 'shorter than me' boyfriend, I'll just walk beside him and pretend like I'm his model, red carpet girlfriend with the great legs and it will be fine.
And yes, I am totally okay comparing my life and feelings to a Saved by the Bell episode.
Don't even get me started on the Very Special 'Hooked on Caffeine Pills' episode.
Seriously. It's like watching my life.
Well, they were tight in the waist. Nothing ever fits me right in the legs because my legs aren't fat. My legs are long and becoming the awesome they were always meant to be but my legs had an unfair advantage anyway. I've been said to have "chicken legs" -- although I don't agree with that.
Anyway.
So back to these jean shorts of mine.
One pair was clean, the other dirty so obviously I opted to wear the clean ones. I put them on and even though I've put them on since I've started working out, the only thing I had noticed different was that they actually fit me.
Today when I put them on, they were a little loose but nothing too extreme. I mean, they were clean and they had that 'out of the dryer' shrink to them.
I wore them to the pool. After wearing them for a while, they had grown and were way too big for me. I feel like they are going to fall off me.
My Batman shirt is getting bigger.
Trust me, I'm only complaining because I can't just replace my clothes all the time.
If anything, I'm bragging.
But after all the sweating and wanting to give up, I don't even feel bad about bragging.
I've earned it.
Even still, it amazes me what is happening to my clothes and body -- AND my mind.
Even last summer, when I would squeeze into these shorts, I wouldn't ever wear them anywhere because I was insecure to show my legs. I know I said they've been called 'chicken legs' but I was still super insecure about it. In my mind, they were awful.
I'm not insecure about it anymore.
I have my moments where I'm like, "is she thinking, 'omg, why is she wearing those shorts?'" and then I catch a glimpse at my legs in a window and I'm like, "Huh. No, she's probably thinking, 'that girls got legs for days' and I wish I was as tall as her" -- which is exactly what I want people to think, that I have legs for days.
On a classic episode of Saved by the Bell entitled, 'Dancing to the Max', the gang enter a dance contest at the Max. Zach and Slater are predictably fighting over who gets the great honor of having Kelly as their dance partner.
Jessie offers to teach Zach to dance so Kelly will pick him but in the process, Zach decides he'd rather go with Jessie, even though, as she points out, she's taller than him.
In this episode, Jessie is really insecure about being taller than all the boys. Elizabeth Berkley is pretty tall -- her IMDB says she's 5'10" so I totally feel her insecurity on that one. She has these daydreams about growing every time a boy talks to her and then they get frightened of her ever-growing height.
I totally understand how she feels. I'm one inch taller than her and I often feel like my grand stature is intimidating.
But I've decided that I'm not going to be insecure anymore.
It's not even an 'I love myself as I am' kind of thing either. I'm just tall so I should get over it.
The whole point of this Saved by the Bell memory lane walk-a-thon is that I'm probably taller than you, dear favorite blog reader, and nothing will change that -- unless something awful happens to my legs OR you get experimental leg growth surgery (right, Constance?!). I don't suggest that though.
If I ever have a 'shorter than me' boyfriend, I'll just walk beside him and pretend like I'm his model, red carpet girlfriend with the great legs and it will be fine.
And yes, I am totally okay comparing my life and feelings to a Saved by the Bell episode.
Don't even get me started on the Very Special 'Hooked on Caffeine Pills' episode.
Seriously. It's like watching my life.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
a fox or a hound...?
Lisa Turtle and I went on a hike today. It was actually pretty tame. I remember the first time I walked that trail with Blake* (the name I'm giving my exhusband -- so I can stop calling him, 'exhusband') and our children.
I was so out of shape, I had to stop a lot of times and catch my breath. It felt like Mount Everest and I was for sure that I couldn't conquer it. I even doubted myself today, even though we do inclines just about every day.
What happened this time?! Nothing but awesomeness.
I think we stopped once so Lisa Turtle could respond to a text but other than that, we kept on keepin' on and it was a breeze. Plus, it was actually breezy outside. It was a beautiful day today.
I'm pretty sure we saw a baby fox -- and I was pretty sure that wherever a baby fox was, a momma fox was surely close behind.
Thankfully, Momma Fox was not a helicopter mom and we didn't run into danger.
Well, if you don't count the dangerous 'bunny' I almost mistook for a baby fox, we made it off that trail fairly unscathed.
Seeing that baby fox felt like the universe was asking me a question though:
Do you want to be a FOX or a hound?
Not that I'm a hound now but that was the general idea.
Perhaps the universe was asking, do you want to be a bad-ass fox or a fluffy, sweet bunny that the fox devours? The universe was giving me a lot to ponder over.
For the past two weeks, I had lost my motivation. I know Lisa Turtle also had a motivation problem, which sucked for both of us. Usually, one of us is super pumped up and supports the other to get through the exercise and it varied from day to day on which one of us was more excited.
Since we were both in a rut, we were not feeling very pumped or up to pumping each other... up.
I haven't actually been pumped in a while but fret not, that isn't the kind of pumped I'm talking about.
I don't actually think we've worked on our abs in a hot minute. I was kind of disappointed in myself because of it.
So today, after the hike, I was ready to face the universe head-on and give my decision to the universes imperative life question.
I decided I want to be a fox.
Lisa talks about how I have this natural charm, that I'm charming and I can't help it. I hope that's true.
I hope that means I'm pretty on the inside. I know I'm pretty on the outside - have you seen my eyes? Hello. Maybe I'm a bunny on the inside -- I need to be more fox-like on the inside because I'm tired of people running all over me.
Besides that, I also need to work on a few physical things (to be fox-like on the outside).
Like always, I got this. Sometimes I lose it but today, I've got it.
My motivation is back and it's overwhelming right now.
Right now, I'm so motivated, I feel like I could pick up the world and drop it on your f*cking head. Ahhh, Weezy F Baby and Eminem. :)
"My head is swoll, my confidence is up. This stage is my pedestal. I'm unstoppable -- the Incredible Hulk, you're trapped in my medicine ball. I can run circles around you so fast your f*ckin head will spin..."
It's my jam.
I'm also in the middle of writing this script about Jason Segel. The ideas I'm coming up with are hilarious and I'm really excited about it. I've got pages and pages of notes that I've taken while I'm supposed to be sleeping. I can't sleep, I just lay there and write my ideas down. I have one scene written but I think I'm going to write it out the rest in story form, but brief story form so I don't get burnt out writing the same things over and over again.
I'm pretty excited about it -- I just need to organize my thoughts.
Also, it was a victory today, when we finally confirmed 'Hot Teachers' name at the Science Fair.
I feel like everything is going to come together nicely, if I just be patient and let it.
I need to stop waiting for things to happen and MAKE them happen.
I've already started. I already KNOW this but sometimes I forget. Sometimes I lose it.
I found it and I'm motivated again. Thankfully. Happily.
I was so out of shape, I had to stop a lot of times and catch my breath. It felt like Mount Everest and I was for sure that I couldn't conquer it. I even doubted myself today, even though we do inclines just about every day.
What happened this time?! Nothing but awesomeness.
I think we stopped once so Lisa Turtle could respond to a text but other than that, we kept on keepin' on and it was a breeze. Plus, it was actually breezy outside. It was a beautiful day today.
I'm pretty sure we saw a baby fox -- and I was pretty sure that wherever a baby fox was, a momma fox was surely close behind.
Thankfully, Momma Fox was not a helicopter mom and we didn't run into danger.
Well, if you don't count the dangerous 'bunny' I almost mistook for a baby fox, we made it off that trail fairly unscathed.
Seeing that baby fox felt like the universe was asking me a question though:
Do you want to be a FOX or a hound?
Not that I'm a hound now but that was the general idea.
Perhaps the universe was asking, do you want to be a bad-ass fox or a fluffy, sweet bunny that the fox devours? The universe was giving me a lot to ponder over.
For the past two weeks, I had lost my motivation. I know Lisa Turtle also had a motivation problem, which sucked for both of us. Usually, one of us is super pumped up and supports the other to get through the exercise and it varied from day to day on which one of us was more excited.
Since we were both in a rut, we were not feeling very pumped or up to pumping each other... up.
I haven't actually been pumped in a while but fret not, that isn't the kind of pumped I'm talking about.
I don't actually think we've worked on our abs in a hot minute. I was kind of disappointed in myself because of it.
So today, after the hike, I was ready to face the universe head-on and give my decision to the universes imperative life question.
I decided I want to be a fox.
Lisa talks about how I have this natural charm, that I'm charming and I can't help it. I hope that's true.
I hope that means I'm pretty on the inside. I know I'm pretty on the outside - have you seen my eyes? Hello. Maybe I'm a bunny on the inside -- I need to be more fox-like on the inside because I'm tired of people running all over me.
Besides that, I also need to work on a few physical things (to be fox-like on the outside).
Like always, I got this. Sometimes I lose it but today, I've got it.
My motivation is back and it's overwhelming right now.
Right now, I'm so motivated, I feel like I could pick up the world and drop it on your f*cking head. Ahhh, Weezy F Baby and Eminem. :)
"My head is swoll, my confidence is up. This stage is my pedestal. I'm unstoppable -- the Incredible Hulk, you're trapped in my medicine ball. I can run circles around you so fast your f*ckin head will spin..."
It's my jam.
I'm also in the middle of writing this script about Jason Segel. The ideas I'm coming up with are hilarious and I'm really excited about it. I've got pages and pages of notes that I've taken while I'm supposed to be sleeping. I can't sleep, I just lay there and write my ideas down. I have one scene written but I think I'm going to write it out the rest in story form, but brief story form so I don't get burnt out writing the same things over and over again.
I'm pretty excited about it -- I just need to organize my thoughts.
Also, it was a victory today, when we finally confirmed 'Hot Teachers' name at the Science Fair.
I feel like everything is going to come together nicely, if I just be patient and let it.
I need to stop waiting for things to happen and MAKE them happen.
I've already started. I already KNOW this but sometimes I forget. Sometimes I lose it.
I found it and I'm motivated again. Thankfully. Happily.
Friday, April 13, 2012
she's 'kitty' but when she's bad, I call her 'bad kitty'...
I want to be Christina Aguilera (in this outfit) for Halloween. Finding an outfit similar to this should NOT be hard at all.
Looking good in it? That's another matter.
NOT to mention that I'm not blonde.
Of course, the blonde wouldn't be very hard to do either.
Wigs! I know the perfect place in Denton, TX to get a wig -- just don't touch them or play with them because they aren't toys. They ARE nice to look at but trust me, they are NOT toys.
I think Christina Aguilera is apropos for me as a Halloween costume because her songs are on my gym playlist and they actually motivate me.
(I don't listen to 'Beautiful' while working out though. It's too slow)
I go back to LOOKING GOOD in an outfit like this. It's I've only recently decided to start working out hardcore. It was the middle of Febuary when I started and last time I weighed myself (almost two weeks ago), I was down 8lbs -- a little over a pound a week.
And well, I didn't work out in over a week, guys. There was just so much going on and I had a sunburn from HELL. When I say, from hell, I actually mean I was so close to hell, that my skin experienced a third-degree burn. ALSO! I forgot sunscreen.
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| an actual photo of my sunburn. Don't forget sunscreen, guys. |
To look good in that Christina Aguilera 'Back to Basics' Tour outfit, I'd need to work on my core and my legs. My legs are shaping up rather nicely, thanks to the high incline. They still need work but I can see a difference. Just wait and get a load of my bomb legs when all is said and done.
To burn fat, I've decided that I'm going to try to burn 1,000 calories a day on the treadmill. That would be about an hour and 10-15 minutes on the treadmill for me. I can do an hour with no problem. I want to lower that time though because 75 minutes is a long time. Of course I'll do it but I want to make better time at it. I can't run though, no thanks to my bum knee.
For my core, I'm working on planks. NOT 'planking' -- but planks.
This:
This unassuming position that requires nothing except staying positioned like this as long as you can has a lot of benefits. According to livestrong.com, it "helps strengthen midsection, upper-body and lower-body muscles along the front of your body. Planks also strengthen inner core muscles that support your joints. The rectus abdominis and transverse abdominis that form your outer and inner abdominal muscles, respectively, are primary supporters during plank exercises. The abdominal obliques also stabilize the plank position isometrically. Upper-body stabilizers include the pectoral and serratus muscles. Lower-body stabilizers include the quadriceps, sartorius and tensor fasciae latae.
Plank exercises have aesthetic benefits that can enhance your appearance by improving posture. Planks activate core muscles, including the transverse abdominis and iliopsoas, which stabilize your spine and hips. Plank exercises help prevent or reverse postural deficiencies, including lordosis and posterior pelvic tilt. Lordosis, or swayback, results from abdominal weaknesses that overextend your back; it tends to make your buttocks stick out. Posterior pelvic tilt, or flat back, results from hip flexor weaknesses and flattens the normal curvature of your spine."
Plank exercises have aesthetic benefits that can enhance your appearance by improving posture. Planks activate core muscles, including the transverse abdominis and iliopsoas, which stabilize your spine and hips. Plank exercises help prevent or reverse postural deficiencies, including lordosis and posterior pelvic tilt. Lordosis, or swayback, results from abdominal weaknesses that overextend your back; it tends to make your buttocks stick out. Posterior pelvic tilt, or flat back, results from hip flexor weaknesses and flattens the normal curvature of your spine."
(Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/500440-what-does-the-plank-exercise-benefit/#ixzz1rz1P6NID)
My personal trainer and friend, Dallas, and my bestie/workout partner, Lisa Turtle make it look SO easy. Dallas planks for a minute straight and makes it look like a breeze. It's not a breeze but today, I did it for 30 seconds - took a 15 second break and did it for another 15 seconds.
Tomorrow I'm going to do it for a whole minute.
I can also flutter kick for almost a whole minute. It's not easy either.
Flutter kicks are my arch nemesis.
From livestrong.com, "flutter kicks are exceptionally efficient at improving lower abdominal strength. One reason is because the area of the lower abdominals that flutter kicks engage is not commonly used in daily activity. One five-minute session of flutter kicks can cause soreness in someone who has never done the exercise before. According to the American College of Sports Medicine, flutter kicks also help strengthen and tone the sartorius muscles, which are
responsible for flexion and lateral rotation of the hip.
Flutter kicks are done by moving the legs and feet in a quick up and down motion, side by side. The faster you flutter, the more calories you'll burn. When you combine the tension of holding your legs off the ground with the quick movement of fluttering, you can nearly double your caloric burn. Try doing flutter kicks lying on your back and then do them on your stomach. Doing them this way can help balance your front leg and back leg muscles."
(Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/479292-what-are-the-benefits-of-the-flutter-kick-technique/#ixzz1rz2Lkzw3)
I'm working my core. Crunches, situps, side bends.
I always think, "you can side bends or situps but please don't lose that butt..."
I can thank my (ex)husband for that.
I've got about 63 lbs to go until I'm where I want to be.
I have 5.5 months until Halloween.
I might need to make a different goal for Halloween, as the math would indicate that I would need to lose almost 3 lbs (2.8 lbs, exactly) a week to make my overall goal by that time.
I think I'm going to aim for 2 lbs a week -- which would make my Halloween goal -44 lbs.
This week, I'm going to cut out sweet tea (I'm going to UNSWEETEN my tea), limit eating out to once a month (IF that), and try to eliminate dairy.
I'm already off red meat pretty much. We eat turkey and chicken primarily. I've limited the processed foods and I've switched from enriched flour products to whole wheat products. Read labels, people.
Just eating healthier.
Also, park far away wherever you go. I always feel like a super fatty if I 'grocery store' people for a parking spot. I'll just park far away. What will it kill me to walk an extra 10 feet?
I know a lot of my other friends are trying to lose weight and just BE healthier.
I really think we got this, guys. I'm optimistic.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
I can't go home so LET'S GO HARD.
I love food.
Like, if there was a way to put a tuxedo on a chicken taco and marry it, I would -- and then at the reception (provided it hadn't gone bad from sitting out all day), I'd eat it.
Ever since I started working out, other people have started to notice that I'm actually losing weight. Go figure, right? I thought it was just my imagination but I guess not.
From everything I've been reading, it's apparent to me that going out to eat constantly and/or eating junk food is only going to hinder my weight loss so I cut that out for the most part. I don't really have a problem cutting out fast food. I really don't.
BUT if I do go out to eat, I try to pick the least bad thing for me... most of the time.
I don't drink soda because of the carbonation and sugar.
Everything I put in my mouth has value now. I think about it first because I know how hard I'm working. I know how many calories I'm burning so when I'm about to eat that slice of street pizza in Austin, I decide if it's really worth it. <-- the answer to that pizza question, at least on Friday night was YES, it WAS worth it and it tasted delicious.
Some things ARE worth it because I don't want -whatever I'm doing- to be considered a 'diet'. I just want this to be the way my life is from now on. If I WANT to eat something and I've thought about how much work I'll have to do to lose it and it's worth it to me, then I'm going to eat it.
It doesn't seem worth it to waste my eating opportunities on food that isn't good though.
Also, in my readings, I've realized the importance of food -- and eating.
I've started eating breakfast -- which was really hard for me. I hated eating breakfast because I think in the morning is too early to consume food. But I did it, I started eating breakfast.
I also try to eat smaller things throughout the day. I haven't quite managed to incorporate fruit in my life, as I'd rather eat a vegetable. I know that's weird but I'm just not into sweets (the same goes for cookies, cakes, brownies, etc.).
I was sitting here, looking through the recipes on Pinterest and I usually I think, "Ughh, I'll never get to eat anything that delicious!" but I'm starting to cook more. I'm cooking healthier and it actually tastes good. It tastes way better than going out to eat. I could go into my kitchen right now and eat something amazing AND healthy if I wanted. That makes me really happy.
Also, I go to the gym.
This past week, I went every day from Monday-Friday. I skipped Saturday and then went again today (Sunday). My endurance is getting stronger but that also means that I have to work harder.
On the treadmill, I walk on an incline -- which is like walking up a hill. When I first started, I kept the incline around 5-ish. That was the highest I could go and it would cause great discomfort.
Well, now I can walk on a 21% incline and I'm fine (if not slightly uncomfortable for a second but I push though) -- here's the difference:
I'm going to work my way up to 30% -- and that's where I'll have to stop because the treadmills at the gym don't go any higher than that. Thanks for nothing, local gyms I go to.
Tomorrow morning, I am waking up and starting at Gold's Gym with Lisa Turtle -- my own personal faux-trainer and accountability buddy.
My goals:
-- sexy whispering*
-- be healthy
-- lose 70lbs (I've already lost 30, the last time I weighed myself -- which was weeks ago)
-- hot teacher*
*these are goals with bigger explainations that I don't think everyone is ready for. :)
My thinking is, I might as well work really hard on this. Time is going to pass no matter what I'm doing. Now is the time to work on being healthy.
Like, if there was a way to put a tuxedo on a chicken taco and marry it, I would -- and then at the reception (provided it hadn't gone bad from sitting out all day), I'd eat it.
Ever since I started working out, other people have started to notice that I'm actually losing weight. Go figure, right? I thought it was just my imagination but I guess not.
From everything I've been reading, it's apparent to me that going out to eat constantly and/or eating junk food is only going to hinder my weight loss so I cut that out for the most part. I don't really have a problem cutting out fast food. I really don't.
BUT if I do go out to eat, I try to pick the least bad thing for me... most of the time.
I don't drink soda because of the carbonation and sugar.
Everything I put in my mouth has value now. I think about it first because I know how hard I'm working. I know how many calories I'm burning so when I'm about to eat that slice of street pizza in Austin, I decide if it's really worth it. <-- the answer to that pizza question, at least on Friday night was YES, it WAS worth it and it tasted delicious.
Some things ARE worth it because I don't want -whatever I'm doing- to be considered a 'diet'. I just want this to be the way my life is from now on. If I WANT to eat something and I've thought about how much work I'll have to do to lose it and it's worth it to me, then I'm going to eat it.
It doesn't seem worth it to waste my eating opportunities on food that isn't good though.
Also, in my readings, I've realized the importance of food -- and eating.
I've started eating breakfast -- which was really hard for me. I hated eating breakfast because I think in the morning is too early to consume food. But I did it, I started eating breakfast.
I also try to eat smaller things throughout the day. I haven't quite managed to incorporate fruit in my life, as I'd rather eat a vegetable. I know that's weird but I'm just not into sweets (the same goes for cookies, cakes, brownies, etc.).
I was sitting here, looking through the recipes on Pinterest and I usually I think, "Ughh, I'll never get to eat anything that delicious!" but I'm starting to cook more. I'm cooking healthier and it actually tastes good. It tastes way better than going out to eat. I could go into my kitchen right now and eat something amazing AND healthy if I wanted. That makes me really happy.
Also, I go to the gym.
This past week, I went every day from Monday-Friday. I skipped Saturday and then went again today (Sunday). My endurance is getting stronger but that also means that I have to work harder.
On the treadmill, I walk on an incline -- which is like walking up a hill. When I first started, I kept the incline around 5-ish. That was the highest I could go and it would cause great discomfort.
Well, now I can walk on a 21% incline and I'm fine (if not slightly uncomfortable for a second but I push though) -- here's the difference:
 |
| Small Incline |
 |
| Big Incline |
Tomorrow morning, I am waking up and starting at Gold's Gym with Lisa Turtle -- my own personal faux-trainer and accountability buddy.
My goals:
-- sexy whispering*
-- be healthy
-- lose 70lbs (I've already lost 30, the last time I weighed myself -- which was weeks ago)
-- hot teacher*
*these are goals with bigger explainations that I don't think everyone is ready for. :)
My thinking is, I might as well work really hard on this. Time is going to pass no matter what I'm doing. Now is the time to work on being healthy.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
"but when you go hard, your 'nay's become 'yay's..."
I may or may not have overreacted to my exhusband today. I mean, he's easy to overreact too though. It's easy to take things out on him because... well, for one thing, he's far away AND because it just is. He's an easy scapegoat. What's he doing to do? Ignore me? He's doing that now. Hopefully he knows that I was just having a moment and will be fine tomorrow.
Besides that moment of freaking out on him, we were doing fine. He trusted me enough to fill me in on different aspects of his life. I can't post about them here but trust me, I WISH I could. It's totally blog-worthy.
Hey, exhusband, if you're reading this, you should totally blog about your new life -- because it's funny.
We're friends and I love that. I missed having him in my life. It's still awkward at times but it's okay. I love that we're both adult enough to be friends. I feel so lucky that way.
Other than that, I feel like everything is working out horribly this week. There is a lot of bullshit happening in my life -- stuff that none who live in my house deserves. It's enough to make me want to burn one of my 'marshmallow fireside' candles and pray. Who am I praying to? I have no idea.
I feel like I'm losing it.
But I feel like it will get better.
I need to get a job.
I don't think I'm going to feel better until I feel productive -- and I currently don't feel productive.
I also feel like I want to move. I know it would be a bad decision to move in the middle of the school year, etc but it's just how I feel. I want to move.
I don't know what my problem is. Just about everything in my life is FINE and yet I still feel awful/unproductive/ughhh. I said on facebook, "if your life sucks, it's probably your own fault" -- I fully believe that. Maybe that's why I feel like I need to make changes -- because if I don't like it, I should change it, right??? Right.
Stop complaining and start changing.
Totally feeling it right now.
Besides that moment of freaking out on him, we were doing fine. He trusted me enough to fill me in on different aspects of his life. I can't post about them here but trust me, I WISH I could. It's totally blog-worthy.
Hey, exhusband, if you're reading this, you should totally blog about your new life -- because it's funny.
We're friends and I love that. I missed having him in my life. It's still awkward at times but it's okay. I love that we're both adult enough to be friends. I feel so lucky that way.
Other than that, I feel like everything is working out horribly this week. There is a lot of bullshit happening in my life -- stuff that none who live in my house deserves. It's enough to make me want to burn one of my 'marshmallow fireside' candles and pray. Who am I praying to? I have no idea.
I feel like I'm losing it.
But I feel like it will get better.
I need to get a job.
I don't think I'm going to feel better until I feel productive -- and I currently don't feel productive.
I also feel like I want to move. I know it would be a bad decision to move in the middle of the school year, etc but it's just how I feel. I want to move.
I don't know what my problem is. Just about everything in my life is FINE and yet I still feel awful/unproductive/ughhh. I said on facebook, "if your life sucks, it's probably your own fault" -- I fully believe that. Maybe that's why I feel like I need to make changes -- because if I don't like it, I should change it, right??? Right.
Stop complaining and start changing.
Totally feeling it right now.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
the singing valentine telegram.
sometimes you need something to shake up your world to motivate you to be better.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Best and Worst 2011
On our way to Austin yesterday, Constance and I started a 'Best' and 'Worst' list of 2011. Some of these are really really personal -- and for some reason ('can't really say...'), I'm not comfortable disclosing super personal details of my life. BUT I am going to TRY for this list.Best: Meeting Constance
Worst: in January of 2011, I did some really f*cked up things to my exhusband (NONE of which I'm proud of)
Best: receiving my 'trophy' at Dads (Karaoke bar)
Worst: during Sebadoh weekend, I wandered away from my friends and ended up missing some of the best parts of their night.
Best: spending so much time with JUST me and my daughters. I like doing things alone with them. I feel like we're a little team -- and it's really really hard to become a part of our exclusive group.
Worst: my exhusband going to Korea. For me, it wasn't a worst but the night he left and how much it hurts our children, it definitely makes it a worst.
Best: all the Austin weekends
Worst: Constance moving
Best: all of our Dads (karaoke bar) quality friend time.
Worst: crying on the sidewalk in Austin
Best: visiting Constance before Thanksgiving
Worst: waking up the next morning (from the night Constance and I went out when I was visiting) and staring at the disappointed-parent faces of her 9 & 10 year old sons.
Best (because it's still in my mind): getting into the movies for free for being cute.
Worst: getting lost in the legit ghetto of Dallas trying to find the bus station.
That was just a few things I jotted down before I ran out of envelope and before we arrived at Hobby Lobby.
I'm going to follow Constance's lead and put some of my Best and Worst of 2012.
Yes, it's Day ONE of 2012 and I already have a few Best and Worst.
Best: watching Constance lick the (hot) body of a sexy stranger.
Worst: losing Jenkins at the gay bar (and finding out the next day that he had been arrested!)
Best: telling some guy it was my 23rd birthday and having him believe me without question.
Worst: that guy proceeding to mouth-rape me to make my birthday even "better" (it didn't!)
Best: my new years kiss!
Worst: not finding a cab in downtown Austin at 3am.
It's been CRAZY but I love it.
I'm exhausted and ready to sleep in my bed but I've had so much fun this Christmas break.
A gay drunk man who told me that he feels energy informed me that my 2012 is going to be awesome.
Either way, no regrets.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
"it must be cold there in my shadow..."
I am about over it. Seriously.
I know that isn't Andy's quote from Shawshank Redemption.
The quote is "get busy living or get busy dying".
Either way, it's true.
My blog is called 'can't really say the sh*t I wanna say' for a reason, huh?! It sure as hell is.
Anyway.
(random subject change:)
I know I'm not like normal girls. I get awkward around people but not in the Zooey Deschanel, "a-dork-able" way -- but also, not like my former astronomy teacher either. It's very clear to me, at times, that I am different. I say random things. This just started. I went from not saying anything when meeting new people to saying what I'm thinking. Sometimes it turns people off. Sometimes when I'm around people that obviously aren't as... "smart" as I am, I can literally feel the mood switch in the room and suddenly, I'm this weirdo who knows too much. Maybe I seem arrogant because I use 'big words' or because I watch the news (sometimes) or maybe I seem nerdy because I can quote Shawshank Redemption or Back to the Future or The IT Crowd (or that I even know what The IT Crowd is --Chris O'Dowd-- (the real one!) squeeeee!...).
I know I'm not like normal girls because there are things about myself that I value that others don't. Most of my friends aren't like 'normal' girls either so I'm lucky that way.
I don't even know why I'm discussing my weirdness.
I need to be venting about living in the shadow of other people. Apparently that's where I live -- and have lived. I'm stuck in the shadow of other people. Well, one other person and it's chilly as hell.
I'm over it.
I am meant for something. This whole thing -- this whole divorce FEELS like it's the right thing.
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| Welcome back. |
Marilyn has been taking the focus off my BITT goals.
Jackie is back now.
And trust that I will shine and be the person outside that I know I am inside.
Because inside? I'm a friggin' shining star.
I will not fizzle out and be nothing.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
the greatest hypothetical situation ever
In this completely hypothetical situation that I'm potentially making up and probably has no basis in truth, there is this guy I may or may not be talking to -- and who henceforth be known as 'Chris O'Dowd' since he may or may not bare a resemblance to my favorite nerd crush and who I may or may not have a real life (yet, hypothetical) crush on.
the real Chris O'Dowd
Just sayin'.
Anyway, so in this potentially hypothetical scenario, 'Chris O'Dowd' and I have habits in our relationship (<---and I use the term casually) -- And me? Well, I notice peoples habits and patterns. It might be some kind of mild autism, the way I pay attention (and remember) details and/or the things people say, the things people do -- when they do them and how often, etc.. Regardless, in this hypothetical situation, 'Chris O'Dowd' was going against his usual habits and I questioned whether or I did something wrong.
A crazy amount of time had passed before I heard from him and he missed his usual time to message me. My (hypothetical) concern was legitimate, I thought -- although my friends were telling me that I needn't worry. I realize it's crazy of me but like I said, I overreact. I'm crazy in a harmless way.
I called Constance for our morning conversation -- because she is constantly talking me off the ledge. We may or may not talk 34 times a day from the time we wake up until she falls asleep (first, she usually goes to bed earlier than me). She talks me not just off the ledge in my hypothetical situations either. If it weren't for her, I would probably never have another relationship again -- hypothetical, casual, friendship or otherwise.
She suggested calmly that we make a list of the possible reasons why he hasn't responded (which made me think of the South Park episode with the girls and the list-making committee, if that pleases and sparkles with you) -- to which I promptly responded, "he was abducted by aliens..."
"That IS a reasonable reason," she said, in a way that sounded 2% sarcastic and 98% like she knew EXACTLY where this was going and she loved it. She opened up a word document and we went to work on this list.
45 minutes later, we came up with...
Realistic Reasons Why Chris O'Dowd Has Not Texted Me:
1. He was abducted by aliens.
2. He was asleep and did not set his alarm.
3. He is sick, and running behind.
4. He was abducted by the Mexican mob.
5. He was abducted by the CIA, and forced to work on a secret project.
6. He is secretly a spy.
7. He masturbated so much that he went blind, and had not memorized the keypad on his phone.
8. The luck dragon from Neverending Story came and brought him back to the story.
9. Doc Brown made a secret trip to the future, kidnapped him, and they are off saving the other future from the past.
10. He woke up from the Matrix and he is not here anymore.
11. Scientists came and decided that they wanted to do future research on his brain, and froze his body last night.
12. The men in black came and did a mind sweep because he saw something he should not have seen.
13. He found a magical talking backpack and realized he had to go on a quest and do three things, and in the process got his map swiped by swipper, and he cannot find his way back to his phone. (And damn Dora’s mom only packed five blueberries!)
14. There was a zombie apocalypse where he was last night.
15. The rapture came and he was secretly saved by the blood of Jesus H. Christ.
16. He got the serious case of Benjamin Buttons and last night he turned into a baby, and can no longer use a phone.
17. He got his mind erased like on eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, and he does not remember me.
18. He is secretly in a gang, and he got shot up by the Crips last night. He is in the hospital, on life support, and when he uttered the words "(MY NAME)" the nurse did not know what he was saying, and he could not text.
19. He went out dancing last night and was discovered by Paula Abdul, and was begged to be in her next video. He is so shocked and excited, that he cannot even bring himself to send a text.
20. He has a peanut allergy, and while eating Thai food he accidentally ate a peanut, and his face and hands instantly became swollen, and he cannot text.
21. There was a fire in his hotel and his phone was ruined in the fire.
22. He was possessed by Halloween demons last night and the demon Chris O'Dowd does not even remember his name.
23. He had actually sent a text, but the sweetness of the text was blocked by his phone carrier, and they refused to send it through.
24. He was going downstairs to the lobby to get a soda and he found a little gold earring and he put it on. In the middle of the night he switched bodies with the other person wearing the other earring. He is too afraid to contact me because he is trapped inside the body of a little black lady and he does not think that I would believe him.
25. He was sitting in his hotel room (because he may or may not travel for work) and a big muscle guy with an accent comes in and tells him to come with him, if he wants to live. He goes with him and it turns out that the guy is a machine, who came back in time to protect Chris O'Dowd because he is important in the future. In the rush to save his life he forgot his cell phone in the hotel room.
Unrealistic Reasons Chris O'Dowd Has Not Texted
1. He is avoiding me.
When I finally talked to him, he read the list, called it epic and then he told me that 'avoiding me' was definitely the most unrealistic thing on the list -- I feel like he meant it.
More than I want to speak on this hypothetical (and practically non-existent) situation with "Chris O'Dowd" ('cause I DON'T), I just really needed to share this list.
If you're ever waiting to hear back from someone and they take a long-ass time getting back to you, please feel free to look to our list for comfort, as the reason is almost certainly ONE of the reasons we proposed.
Monday, October 3, 2011
me and my big mouth
random conversations:
B. Did you bring your rape whistle?
A: I don't have a rape whistle.
B: I handed them out at my Cinco De Mayo party!
A. I don't guess I brought one with me.
C. I'd almost welcome bring raped right now if it meant someone would touch my boob.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
austin in pictures.
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| Photo Courtesy of Mena :-) She saw this on the side of a building while we were walking and loved it. |
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| Torchy's Taco was SOOO delicious. Photo Courtesy of Elizabeth |
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| Mena loved this sign :-) Photo Courtesy of Mena |
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| Thanks to my coupons and price matching skillz, Mena got 45 packs of her favorite Trident gum for $8.17 Photo Courtesy of Mena  Frozen Custard. My little sister and I got the exact same thing and didn't know it until we sat down. |
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| Four Loko Fruit Punch flavor -- since apparently liqour stores in Texas close at 9pm, this was our option for Friday. All of our vices (except mine, I don't smoke), sitting on the table |
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| Taco Cabana for dinner on Friday |
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| This is actually from night two. BEFORE the Wild Turkey was open |
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So we went to HEB and she picked up some zinfandel. |
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| Elizabeth rented a Charger for her drive down. We rode like pimps. |
smuckers peanut butter that amanda took
Randy
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| We found Jesus in Austin. I'm not sure whose picture this is. |
My girls and me
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
austin weekend (aka tmi)
this coming up weekend is Austin Weekend Redux. Words cannot express how excited I am.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Dear David Duchovny,
Sitting on my couch watching an X-Files marathon, munching on my 1oz bowl of Brach's Hawaiian Punch flavored jellybeans and cuddled up with the homemade river quilt my grandma made, I've come to the conclusion that you are a very sexy man and we should meet forthwith. I've known about your undeniable sexiness for a while -- and it could be my loneliness overshadowing any sense of good judgement I may have but for some reason, I am finding you very attractive tonight. So much so that I am skipping any episode that is Scully-based and which you do not appear. I'm sure they are excellent episodes and Gillian Anderson is so beautiful, it's ridiculous but let's face it, not really why I'm watchin' the show. 
I've also been watching Californication so I know I'm not just attracted to the character of "Fox Mulder" -- although his passion for his job is an attractive quality for a man to have -- a quality I hope my NEXT husband has. The character of "Hank" on Californication is OKAY but he's not Fox Mulder. Regardless, there is a lot of sex on that show and I think you're doing it on purpose -- to tease me. I'm 99% sure that's exactly what is going on -- you're teasing ME personally.
Please don't mistake this public love declaration for anything more than what it is. I fully intend on continuing on to marry my betrothed, Jake Gyllenhaal on or around my 30th birthday in four years so please don't make a scene by begging me to be with you. BUT I'm pretty sure if I ever saw you, Marilyn would come out in full force and you wouldn't even know what to do with yourself, you'd be so smitten. On my Notarized Celebrity Sex List (yes, it's really notarized), you are on there so you can tell I really mean what I say. This document is legally binding so that any fornication between the two of us is acceptable (even though we're both married). In fact, I'm not sure that it's not mandatory at this point since I went out of my way (through THREE different lists before ending with the one with your name on it -- some quality men were bumped off this list to include you) to get it notarized. Feel special, as future husband, Jake Gyllenhaal is NOT on my notarized list.
X-Files is calling my name so I must end this letter to you now. I hope to run into you soon, David Duchovny (although I'm sure if I actually did meet you, I would become someone other than Jackie OR Marilyn --It would be more Violet Anne Bickerstaff than anything).
Good luck with everything... you know what I mean.
X-Files is calling my name so I must end this letter to you now. I hope to run into you soon, David Duchovny (although I'm sure if I actually did meet you, I would become someone other than Jackie OR Marilyn --It would be more Violet Anne Bickerstaff than anything).
Good luck with everything... you know what I mean.
Sincerely Yours (until Jake and I become engaged),
Shark Attack
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Jenkies!
I love Jenkins. I feel like him and I are very much the same. We both have moles by our mouths, we're both very dramatic and creative, we have the same sorts of issues. I just love him.
Our conversations today consisted of these little gems:
Jenkins, "It's my life goal to suck his dick."
Me, "Your LIFE goal?! How many 'life goals' do you have?"
Jenkins, said very matter-of-factly, "Seven."
Our conversations today consisted of these little gems:
Jenkins, "It's my life goal to suck his dick."
Me, "Your LIFE goal?! How many 'life goals' do you have?"
Jenkins, said very matter-of-factly, "Seven."
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Jackie Kennedy/Marilyn Monroe
I love first kisses. I love that moment when you look at the other person and you just KNOW it's going to happen. Jenkins and I were talking about it the other day and I just can't see a new First Kiss happening for me anytime soon.
As per my 4-year plan, I KNOW that romance isn't playing any part in my life right now. I'm NOT looking for anyone -- which is the reason I can't see it happening. I'm not available. I'm not available to you or to any of your friends. I'm just not.
The recent conversations with my friends have made me think about men -- or, in my case, the sudden decline of men in my life. What is it about men that is causing me to miss their presence? I like being around men, I like smelling them (provided they smell good), I like TALKING to them. I love it when they do things with their hands and have deep voices.
I also like to be feminine and I like to flirt. No, correction -- I LOVE to flirt. I flirt like a f*ckin' CHAMP. For some reason, instead of being scared or nervous (like how I WANT to be), something takes over me -- I'm pretty sure it's the spirit of Marilyn Monroe. I become funnier than usual and witty. My lips gets softer, my hair shines brighter and my smile?? The way my MOUTH reacts to an attractive man embarrasses me.
But not in the moment. It's only later, when I replay it over in my head do I get embarrassed. Then I tell myself that I'm not going to do it again -- that it's embarrassing and just wrong. So wrong.
Is that how Jackie Kennedy would act?!
And does that stop me next time? No, it sure doesn't.
Constance compared me to Jackie Kennedy one day and it made me so happy. Jackie Kennedy Onassis is the epitome of class. She stood by her husband, even though he had many affairs -- Jackie O. would not have divorced her husband like I am. She didn't put him on blast or cause drama. AND she's still looked up to as a fashion icon. To be compared to Jackie Kennedy is one of the best compliments that I've ever received.
When I flirt the way I do, it's NOT very Jackie Kennedy of me AT ALL.
My mom said, "you are going to come through [this divorce] with grace and dignity and with pride in yourself." THAT is Jackie Kennedy. The way I act around attractive men is pure Marilyn Monroe.
I really enjoy these two different sides of myself though. I'm unpredictable, even to myself at times. I can be Jackie Kennedy all day and then have these brief flashes where I'm someone else -- someone sexy in an obvious way: Marilyn.
As per my 4-year plan, I KNOW that romance isn't playing any part in my life right now. I'm NOT looking for anyone -- which is the reason I can't see it happening. I'm not available. I'm not available to you or to any of your friends. I'm just not.
The recent conversations with my friends have made me think about men -- or, in my case, the sudden decline of men in my life. What is it about men that is causing me to miss their presence? I like being around men, I like smelling them (provided they smell good), I like TALKING to them. I love it when they do things with their hands and have deep voices.
I also like to be feminine and I like to flirt. No, correction -- I LOVE to flirt. I flirt like a f*ckin' CHAMP. For some reason, instead of being scared or nervous (like how I WANT to be), something takes over me -- I'm pretty sure it's the spirit of Marilyn Monroe. I become funnier than usual and witty. My lips gets softer, my hair shines brighter and my smile?? The way my MOUTH reacts to an attractive man embarrasses me.
But not in the moment. It's only later, when I replay it over in my head do I get embarrassed. Then I tell myself that I'm not going to do it again -- that it's embarrassing and just wrong. So wrong.
Is that how Jackie Kennedy would act?!
And does that stop me next time? No, it sure doesn't.
Constance compared me to Jackie Kennedy one day and it made me so happy. Jackie Kennedy Onassis is the epitome of class. She stood by her husband, even though he had many affairs -- Jackie O. would not have divorced her husband like I am. She didn't put him on blast or cause drama. AND she's still looked up to as a fashion icon. To be compared to Jackie Kennedy is one of the best compliments that I've ever received.
When I flirt the way I do, it's NOT very Jackie Kennedy of me AT ALL.
My mom said, "you are going to come through [this divorce] with grace and dignity and with pride in yourself." THAT is Jackie Kennedy. The way I act around attractive men is pure Marilyn Monroe.
I really enjoy these two different sides of myself though. I'm unpredictable, even to myself at times. I can be Jackie Kennedy all day and then have these brief flashes where I'm someone else -- someone sexy in an obvious way: Marilyn.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
underachiever
I'm at my grandma's house and yesterday, my cousin (first cousin, once removed??) came over with her dad (my grandmas brother) and we were talking. I hadn't seen her in forever -- not since we were little kids. In my mind, they (her and her sister) are years and years older than me but it's just two-three years.
I'm 26, she's 28. She has her Masters in Aerospace something-awesome. She is working on a satellite that's suppose to launch in August to go to Jupiter. ANNND dear blog readers, if my day was filled with that kind of stuff, my blog might be more interesting.
I feel like an underachiever and like I'm not trying hard enough.
It sucks because I feel like I'm made for more than this and that I'm not doing what I should be doing. I feel like no matter what I have to do, I'm going to finish college and I'm going to do something. I don't know what yet but I know it will happen because it has to happen.
When talking to her, I could hold my own talking about space and I understood what she was talking about (it probably helps that I read and know things already about space and most especially Jupiter) so that was nice. I didn't feel like an idiot. It helps that she wasn't just a huge brainiac -- she just knows a lot about her field and I found it interesting. I would have talked to her all day.
I feel bigger than my life sometimes and it's hard to feel it. It's harder to accept that feeling than it is a broken heart (a heart broken from romantic love, that is), I think because I feel stuck -- like I'm at the top of a closed box, trying to get out.
I don't even care about love or romance.
I just want to figure my life out without any of that junk.
It is unnecessary and clouds every other good non-romantic thing in my life.
I just want to get out of the box.
My Before-I-Turn-30 Goals (aka my BITT Goals):
(Now I know I said I'm not worried about love or romance -- and I'm NOT.
BUT when Jake Gyllenhaal is ready and I am ready, the meeting and marriage shall commence.)
I'm 26, she's 28. She has her Masters in Aerospace something-awesome. She is working on a satellite that's suppose to launch in August to go to Jupiter. ANNND dear blog readers, if my day was filled with that kind of stuff, my blog might be more interesting.
I feel like an underachiever and like I'm not trying hard enough.
It sucks because I feel like I'm made for more than this and that I'm not doing what I should be doing. I feel like no matter what I have to do, I'm going to finish college and I'm going to do something. I don't know what yet but I know it will happen because it has to happen.
When talking to her, I could hold my own talking about space and I understood what she was talking about (it probably helps that I read and know things already about space and most especially Jupiter) so that was nice. I didn't feel like an idiot. It helps that she wasn't just a huge brainiac -- she just knows a lot about her field and I found it interesting. I would have talked to her all day.
I feel bigger than my life sometimes and it's hard to feel it. It's harder to accept that feeling than it is a broken heart (a heart broken from romantic love, that is), I think because I feel stuck -- like I'm at the top of a closed box, trying to get out.
I don't even care about love or romance.
I just want to figure my life out without any of that junk.
It is unnecessary and clouds every other good non-romantic thing in my life.
I just want to get out of the box.
My Before-I-Turn-30 Goals (aka my BITT Goals):
- Get my Bachelors Degree in Public Relations with a minor in either Design OR Political Science
- Lose weight!
- Get a Honda Civic
- Move to Austin
- Find and Marry Jake Gyllenhaal
(Now I know I said I'm not worried about love or romance -- and I'm NOT.
BUT when Jake Gyllenhaal is ready and I am ready, the meeting and marriage shall commence.)
Anyone other than Jake Gyllenhaal need not apply
Jake Gyllenhaal - future husband
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