underachiever

I'm at my grandma's house and yesterday, my cousin (first cousin, once removed??) came over with her dad (my grandmas brother) and we were talking. I hadn't seen her in forever -- not since we were little kids. In my mind, they (her and her sister) are years and years older than me but it's just two-three years.
I'm 26, she's 28. She has her Masters in Aerospace something-awesome. She is working on a satellite that's suppose to launch in August to go to Jupiter. ANNND dear blog readers, if my day was filled with that kind of stuff, my blog might be more interesting.

I feel like an underachiever and like I'm not trying hard enough.
It sucks because I feel like I'm made for more than this and that I'm not doing what I should be doing. I feel like no matter what I have to do, I'm going to finish college and I'm going to do something. I don't know what yet but I know it will happen because it has to happen.

When talking to her, I could hold my own talking about space and I understood what she was talking about (it probably helps that I read and know things already about space and most especially Jupiter) so that was nice. I didn't feel like an idiot. It helps that she wasn't just a huge brainiac -- she just knows a lot about her field and I found it interesting. I would have talked to her all day.

I feel bigger than my life sometimes and it's hard to feel it. It's harder to accept that feeling than it is a broken heart (a heart broken from romantic love, that is), I think because I feel stuck -- like I'm at the top of a closed box, trying to get out.

I don't even care about love or romance.
I just want to figure my life out without any of that junk.
It is unnecessary and clouds every other good non-romantic thing in my life.
I just want to get out of the box.

My Before-I-Turn-30 Goals (aka my BITT Goals):

• Get my Bachelors Degree in Public Relations with a minor in either Design OR Political Science
• Lose weight!
• Get a Honda Civic
• Move to Austin
• Find and Marry Jake Gyllenhaal

:-) Let's get to achievin'

(Now I know I said I'm not worried about love or romance -- and I'm NOT.
BUT when Jake Gyllenhaal is ready and I am ready, the meeting and marriage shall commence.)

Anyone other than Jake Gyllenhaal need not apply

Jake Gyllenhaal - future husband