that girls got legs for days.

I have two pairs of jean shorts that didn't fit me very well last summer. They were tight. I hated wearing them and often DIDN'T because they just didn't fit me.
Well, they were tight in the waist. Nothing ever fits me right in the legs because my legs aren't fat. My legs are long and becoming the awesome they were always meant to be but my legs had an unfair advantage anyway. I've been said to have "chicken legs" -- although I don't agree with that.

Anyway.
So back to these jean shorts of mine.
One pair was clean, the other dirty so obviously I opted to wear the clean ones. I put them on and even though I've put them on since I've started working out, the only thing I had noticed different was that they actually fit me.
Today when I put them on, they were a little loose but nothing too extreme. I mean, they were clean and they had that 'out of the dryer' shrink to them.
I wore them to the pool. After wearing them for a while, they had grown and were way too big for me. I feel like they are going to fall off me.
My Batman shirt is getting bigger.

Trust me, I'm only complaining because I can't just replace my clothes all the time.
If anything, I'm bragging.
But after all the sweating and wanting to give up, I don't even feel bad about bragging.
I've earned it.

Even still, it amazes me what is happening to my clothes and body -- AND my mind.

Even last summer, when I would squeeze into these shorts, I wouldn't ever wear them anywhere because I was insecure to show my legs. I know I said they've been called 'chicken legs' but I was still super insecure about it. In my mind, they were awful.
I'm not insecure about it anymore.
I have my moments where I'm like, "is she thinking, 'omg, why is she wearing those shorts?'" and then I catch a glimpse at my legs in a window and I'm like, "Huh. No, she's probably thinking, 'that girls got legs for days' and I wish I was as tall as her" -- which is exactly what I want people to think, that I have legs for days.

On a classic episode of Saved by the Bell entitled, 'Dancing to the Max', the gang enter a dance contest at the Max. Zach and Slater are predictably fighting over who gets the great honor of having Kelly as their dance partner.
Jessie offers to teach Zach to dance so Kelly will pick him but in the process, Zach decides he'd rather go with Jessie, even though, as she points out, she's taller than him.
In this episode, Jessie is really insecure about being taller than all the boys. Elizabeth Berkley is pretty tall -- her IMDB says she's 5'10" so I totally feel her insecurity on that one. She has these daydreams about growing every time a boy talks to her and then they get frightened of her ever-growing height.
I totally understand how she feels. I'm one inch taller than her and I often feel like my grand stature is intimidating.
But I've decided that I'm not going to be insecure anymore.
It's not even an 'I love myself as I am' kind of thing either. I'm just tall so I should get over it.

The whole point of this Saved by the Bell memory lane walk-a-thon is that I'm probably taller than you, dear favorite blog reader, and nothing will change that -- unless something awful happens to my legs OR you get experimental leg growth surgery (right, Constance?!). I don't suggest that though.
If I ever have a 'shorter than me' boyfriend, I'll just walk beside him and pretend like I'm his model, red carpet girlfriend with the great legs and it will be fine.

And yes, I am totally okay comparing my life and feelings to a Saved by the Bell episode.
Don't even get me started on the Very Special 'Hooked on Caffeine Pills' episode.
Seriously. It's like watching my life.

a fox or a hound...?

Lisa Turtle and I went on a hike today. It was actually pretty tame. I remember the first time I walked that trail with Blake* (the name I'm giving my exhusband -- so I can stop calling him, 'exhusband') and our children.
I was so out of shape, I had to stop a lot of times and catch my breath. It felt like Mount Everest and I was for sure that I couldn't conquer it. I even doubted myself today, even though we do inclines just about every day.

What happened this time?! Nothing but awesomeness.
I think we stopped once so Lisa Turtle could respond to a text but other than that, we kept on keepin' on and it was a breeze. Plus, it was actually breezy outside. It was a beautiful day today.

I'm pretty sure we saw a baby fox -- and I was pretty sure that wherever a baby fox was, a momma fox was surely close behind. 

Thankfully, Momma Fox was not a helicopter mom and we didn't run into danger.
Well, if you don't count the dangerous 'bunny' I almost mistook for a baby fox, we made it off that trail fairly unscathed.

Seeing that baby fox felt like the universe was asking me a question though:
Do you want to be a FOX or a hound?

Not that I'm a hound now but that was the general idea.
Perhaps the universe was asking, do you want to be a bad-ass fox or a fluffy, sweet bunny that the fox devours? The universe was giving me a lot to ponder over.

For the past two weeks, I had lost my motivation. I know Lisa Turtle also had a motivation problem, which sucked for both of us. Usually, one of us is super pumped up and supports the other to get through the exercise and it varied from day to day on which one of us was more excited.
Since we were both in a rut, we were not feeling very pumped or up to pumping each other... up.
I haven't actually been pumped in a while but fret not, that isn't the kind of pumped I'm talking about.

I don't actually think we've worked on our abs in a hot minute. I was kind of disappointed in myself because of it.

So today, after the hike, I was ready to face the universe head-on and give my decision to the universes imperative life question.

I decided I want to be a fox.
Lisa talks about how I have this natural charm, that I'm charming and I can't help it. I hope that's true.
I hope that means I'm pretty on the inside. I know I'm pretty on the outside - have you seen my eyes? Hello. Maybe I'm a bunny on the inside -- I need to be more fox-like on the inside because I'm tired of people running all over me.

Besides that, I also need to work on a few physical things (to be fox-like on the outside).

Like always, I got this. Sometimes I lose it but today, I've got it.
My motivation is back and it's overwhelming right now.
Right now, I'm so motivated, I feel like I could pick up the world and drop it on your f*cking head. Ahhh, Weezy F Baby and Eminem. :)
"My head is swoll, my confidence is up. This stage is my pedestal. I'm unstoppable -- the Incredible Hulk, you're trapped in my medicine ball. I can run circles around you so fast your f*ckin head will spin..."
It's my jam.
I'm also in the middle of writing this script about Jason Segel. The ideas I'm coming up with are hilarious and I'm really excited about it. I've got pages and pages of notes that I've taken while I'm supposed to be sleeping. I can't sleep, I just lay there and write my ideas down. I have one scene written but I think I'm going to write it out the rest in story form, but brief story form so I don't get burnt out writing the same things over and over again.
I'm pretty excited about it -- I just need to organize my thoughts.

Also, it was a victory today, when we finally confirmed 'Hot Teachers' name at the Science Fair.

I feel like everything is going to come together nicely, if I just be patient and let it.
I need to stop waiting for things to happen and MAKE them happen.
I've already started. I already KNOW this but sometimes I forget. Sometimes I lose it.
I found it and I'm motivated again. Thankfully. Happily.

Just music.

"Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over but had me believing it was always something that I'd done and I don't wanna live that way, reading into every word you say. You said that you could let it go and I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know...


But you didn't have to cut me off, make out like it never happened and that we were nothing.
And I don't even need your love but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough.
You didn't have to stoop so low, have your friends collect your records and then change your number.
I guess that I don't need that though. Now you're just somebody that I used to know"

Just sayin'

she's 'kitty' but when she's bad, I call her 'bad kitty'...

I want to be Christina Aguilera (in this outfit) for Halloween.
Finding an outfit similar to this should NOT be hard at all.
Looking good in it? That's another matter.
NOT to mention that I'm not blonde.
Of course, the blonde wouldn't be very hard to do either.
Wigs! I know the perfect place in Denton, TX to get a wig -- just don't touch them or play with them because they aren't toys. They ARE nice to look at but trust me, they are NOT toys.

I think Christina Aguilera is apropos for me as a Halloween costume because her songs are on my gym playlist and they actually motivate me.

(I don't listen to 'Beautiful' while working out though. It's too slow)

I go back to LOOKING GOOD in an outfit like this. It's MarchAPRIL(apparently it's April) and I'm already down 32lbs from last year.
I've only recently decided to start working out hardcore. It was the middle of Febuary when I started and last time I weighed myself (almost two weeks ago), I was down 8lbs -- a little over a pound a week.
And well, I didn't work out in over a week, guys. There was just so much going on and I had a sunburn from HELL. When I say, from hell, I actually mean I was so close to hell, that my skin experienced a third-degree burn. ALSO! I forgot sunscreen. 

an actual photo of my sunburn.
Don't forget sunscreen, guys.

While I feel like the blistering of my skin was a good enough reason to skip in the gym, I made it to Thursday when I couldn't take it any longer. The sweating caused my skin to blister but I'm pretty sure it blistered with sweat?? Can that happen? It was gross so it PROBABLY did.

To look good in that Christina Aguilera 'Back to Basics' Tour outfit, I'd need to work on my core and my legs. My legs are shaping up rather nicely, thanks to the high incline. They still need work but I can see a difference. Just wait and get a load of my bomb legs when all is said and done.

To burn fat, I've decided that I'm going to try to burn 1,000 calories a day on the treadmill. That would be about an hour and 10-15 minutes on the treadmill for me. I can do an hour with no problem. I want to lower that time though because 75 minutes is a long time. Of course I'll do it but I want to make better time at it. I can't run though, no thanks to my bum knee.

For my core, I'm working on planks. NOT 'planking' -- but planks.
This:

This unassuming position that requires nothing except staying positioned like this as long as you can has a lot of benefits. According to livestrong.com, it "helps strengthen midsection, upper-body and lower-body muscles along the front of your body. Planks also strengthen inner core muscles that support your joints. The rectus abdominis and transverse abdominis that form your outer and inner abdominal muscles, respectively, are primary supporters during plank exercises. The abdominal obliques also stabilize the plank position isometrically. Upper-body stabilizers include the pectoral and serratus muscles. Lower-body stabilizers include the quadriceps, sartorius and tensor fasciae latae.
Plank exercises have aesthetic benefits that can enhance your appearance by improving posture. Planks activate core muscles, including the transverse abdominis and iliopsoas, which stabilize your spine and hips. Plank exercises help prevent or reverse postural deficiencies, including lordosis and posterior pelvic tilt. Lordosis, or swayback, results from abdominal weaknesses that overextend your back; it tends to make your buttocks stick out. Posterior pelvic tilt, or flat back, results from hip flexor weaknesses and flattens the normal curvature of your spine."

(Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/500440-what-does-the-plank-exercise-benefit/#ixzz1rz1P6NID)

My personal trainer and friend, Dallas, and my bestie/workout partner, Lisa Turtle make it look SO easy. Dallas planks for a minute straight and makes it look like a breeze. It's not a breeze but today, I did it for 30 seconds - took a 15 second break and did it for another 15 seconds.

Tomorrow I'm going to do it for a whole minute.

I can also flutter kick for almost a whole minute. It's not easy either.

Flutter kicks are my arch nemesis.

From livestrong.com, "flutter kicks are exceptionally efficient at improving lower abdominal strength. One reason is because the area of the lower abdominals that flutter kicks engage is not commonly used in daily activity. One five-minute session of flutter kicks can cause soreness in someone who has never done the exercise before. According to the American College of Sports Medicine, flutter kicks also help strengthen and tone the sartorius muscles, which are
responsible for flexion and lateral rotation of the hip.
Flutter kicks are done by moving the legs and feet in a quick up and down motion, side by side. The faster you flutter, the more calories you'll burn. When you combine the tension of holding your legs off the ground with the quick movement of fluttering, you can nearly double your caloric burn. Try doing flutter kicks lying on your back and then do them on your stomach. Doing them this way can help balance your front leg and back leg muscles."
(Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/479292-what-are-the-benefits-of-the-flutter-kick-technique/#ixzz1rz2Lkzw3)

I'm working my core. Crunches, situps, side bends.
I always think, "you can side bends or situps but please don't lose that butt..."
I can thank my (ex)husband for that.

I've got about 63 lbs to go until I'm where I want to be.
I have 5.5 months until Halloween.
I might need to make a different goal for Halloween, as the math would indicate that I would need to lose almost 3 lbs (2.8 lbs, exactly) a week to make my overall goal by that time.
I think I'm going to aim for 2 lbs a week -- which would make my Halloween goal -44 lbs.

This week, I'm going to cut out sweet tea (I'm going to UNSWEETEN my tea), limit eating out to once a month (IF that), and try to eliminate dairy.
I'm already off red meat pretty much. We eat turkey and chicken primarily. I've limited the processed foods and I've switched from enriched flour products to whole wheat products. Read labels, people.

Just eating healthier.
Also, park far away wherever you go. I always feel like a super fatty if I 'grocery store' people for a parking spot. I'll just park far away. What will it kill me to walk an extra 10 feet?

I know a lot of my other friends are trying to lose weight and just BE healthier.

I really think we got this, guys. I'm optimistic.
 

two different things.

I told Constance that for her birthday, I'd be a 'yes man'. I honestly thought it would be easy -- because I thought I was pretty crazy and outgoing. I couldn't IMAGINE that there would be something she could ask me to do that I wouldn't have done anyway, had I not been a Yes Man.

After the night started, I had to be reminded plenty of times that I agreed to be a 'yes man'.
At the restaurant we went to before the partying, our waiter was sexy. I THINK his name was Blake? Bruce? I have no idea. But he was really cute. One of my friends said his butt was cute and I said that I should tell him that she said his butt was cute and to turn around so I can see. I laughed because I was joking but then someone said, 'Oh, you said you were a yes man so you have to do it." SO I did it.
Another time, they were dancing in the window at one bar and she told me to get in the window to. I kind of laughed and shook my head. Constance reminded me that I was a yes man. I got in the window and danced.
There was this huge group of men -- all of them wearing "Kyle's Party" shirts (I'm not actually sure what the shirts said) and I was asked to go pretend to be an almost-bride and get a picture with them. This was night two and we were exhausted and  not really on a partying level. I said I would do it but I needed more time. A real bridal party walked in and got pictures. We ran into them on the street and I got my picture there. I actually got my butt grabbed, kissed a guy on the cheek AND got a picture so it was win-win.

I'm sure there were more times when I was asked to do something and declined and then I HAD to do it anyway. Every time I declined to do something, I had forgot I was a yes man. None of it was too bad -- or else I wouldn't have done it.

Needless to say, Constance's birthday was pretty awesome.
She suggested we all do themes for our birthday and I agreed. Hers was '80s.
I'm still thinking about my theme. I'll keep you updated on that.

My children are having a sleepover with one of my best friends and neighbor tonight and I'm here, all alone. I keep thinking about my exhusband and how much our kids miss him.

He's exactly the kind of man that I would want to be the father of my children. He loves them. He wouldn't ever abandon them. I would like to thinkbelieve he wouldn't anyway. He loves them.

I'm having the hardest time getting over him. I thought it would be easier and for a while there, I was completely sure that I was as over it as I was going to get. I was fine and ready to move on. I feel like I had a complete and total relapse and it's like my heart is broken all over again. I don't want to be with anyone else, I don't want to date anyone else. I'm not talking to anybody. Even when I TRY to talk to guy, I just can't. I just can't.

I don't know what my problem is. I don't know what happened.
Every time a man looks at me, I get annoyed.
I don't know what my problem is.

I hope I figure it out soon though. All these emotions are making me emotional.