Part-Time Everything.

I'm up late highlighting and planning my classes this fall (and making a rough estimate about which classes I might want to take next Spring). I really want to take a grant writing class AND I want to take some public administration classes. I'm thinking about emailing my advisor and talking to him about it. I'm excited about the classes I want to take and I hope I get to take them (like demography and policy analysis).

I have a full schedule for the month of June. June is my test to see if I can pull off full-time mom, full-time job, full-time school. I'm afraid I'll end up being a part-time everything.

Part of me feels extremely guilty about having to work. It's not like I'm CHOOSING to work, we need my income. I would choose to work though, I think because I enjoy it.

Why should I feel so guilty though? If a man says he doesn't want to stay home with the kids, that's perfectly fine. Do they feel guilt about it? I don't know. I can't speak for the men of the world but I do know that we as women feel guilt about leaving our children. I feel so bad for my Littlest Princess. I wonder if she's going to end up the same way as my other children (well-behaved, for one thing) because I was home to give them guidance, whereas I'm going to be at work during the day when the Littlest Princess will need guidance. I stress out about that.

I just feel extremely guilty about it. I love my girls so much but my children can't be my whole life. Children (and relationships) are supposed to ENRICH your life, not BE your life. I need something for myself or else I won't be good for anyone -- I'll get depressed and unhappy. It's like on airplanes when they say to secure your own air-thing first before you help anyone else -- it's because if you aren't taking care of yourself, you can't help anyone else sufficiently.

I AM excited about my classes -- AND my new job. I'm working on this guilt. Moms work all the time and if I try hard enough and love enough and don't take anything for granted, perhaps my Littlest Princess won't end up being the 'screwed up' one because her mother worked while she was growing up.