Divorce

I'm getting divorced.


HISTORY of US:

• We've been together almost 9 years.
• We've only been married 5 but we were together for 9 years.
• We have two children. He's in the military.
• I refuse to take FULL and total responsibility for the demise of my marrige
• BUT I'm the one who wanted a divorce
• We never had a real wedding
• We decided to get married because he joined the Army and he wanted our first born (and at the time, our ONLY) daughter "and me" to go with him.
• and when we got our marriage license, I asked him to sit down and talk to me about getting married. To which he respond by yelling, 'We can get married or not -- it doesn't matter to me. You need to decide." And he wonders why I never believe he loved me.
• The whole time we were together, he was actively talking to other girls on the internet. Should it matter to me that he lied to them about his situation, therefore it's not like he could ever REALLY be with them? No. The only time he wasn't actively talking to other females was this last year -- and I'm sure that is only because I didn't catch him.

HISTORY of ME:

• I'm 25 years old (26 in June!)
• My husband and I got together a month before I turned 17
• I am two semesters away from finishing college
• I have an insatiable sense of adventure
• and I fall in love easily -- with everything or anything
• I forgive way too easily
• I do not believe the actions I took were right, just because of the things he did to me

So I'm getting divorced and it totally sucks.
First of all, he's very angry. Yeah, I'm brokenhearted. I miss him, I love him. But he's angry and unpredictable. Plus, he refuses to take responsiblity for HIS actions. He says that what I did was "way worse" than his "innocent" chatting with (and sending presents too, while he was deployed) and making plans to see other girls on the internet.

Maybe I am worse. I don't know.

Every day is an emotional rollercoaster. I never know if it's going to be a good day or a bad day. It might start out really good -- and one phone call from him ruins my whole day. All he does is yell at me right now.

Today wasn't bad -- I'm assuming it's because I'm "being very reasonable" today. Yes, he told me that I'm being "reasonable" today -- I'm not being any different than I was yesterday when we got into a fight and he left the house screaming, "F*ck you, Rachel! F*ck you!" -- thankfully our children was at our neighbors house when that happened.

Tomorrow might be bad or it might be good. Really, at this point, it's a crapshoot.