it's loves illusion, i recall...

My oldest daughter asked me the other day why there were so many songs on the radio about love. I'm sure as an 8 year old, romantic love is very confusing. People are happy about it ("girl, you're amazing, just the way you are..."), people are unhappy about it ("I hate everything about you, why do I love you?") -- there are so many different feelings going on, so many different situations.

Before I start this, I want to say that I fully believe in love so while this might sound like an anti-love rant, it's really not. The "love illusion", at it's core, is the belief that there is one perfect person out there who will complete you in a way that nobody else ever will -- the idea of soulmates. It's that every girl will find her prince. It's every romantic comedy, every movie that showcases these intensely romantic men, doing whatever it takes to get their princesses. The fact is a lot of people never find their "true love". I believe in love, I don't believe in soulmates.

I've never really been one to PUSH the Disney fairytale of love on my children (even though I am guilty of calling them princesses).

You've heard the argument about the Disney fairytale before: Girls "were fed this BS when we were little about princes and having REAL, HONEST love with a gentleman who will fight dragons and climb towers for us because they love us." Does that happen? No.

Is it cynical to say, "because that kind of love doesn't really exist"? It sounds cynical but the more I live, the more I learn and the more of a realist I become.

Jackie Kennedy said, "I don't think there are any men who are faithful to their wives." I know, I know. She isn't the best person to ask -- since her husband had multiple affairs -- but I don't doubt that Jackie Kennedy felt that her husband loved her, even if he cheated on her. 
She also calls him "magic", saying, "Now, I think that I should have known that he was magic all along. I did know it - but I should have guessed that it would be too much to ask to grow old with and see our children grow up together."
Obviously she feels like she would have grown old with him.

I want to blame Disney for the love illusion the most of us seek. Ariel gave up her fin for a prince she built up in her head after seeing him party on a boat for 30 minutes before a storm (crazy, much?). Cinderella had to lie about who she was in order to get close to the prince -- would he loved her if she wouldn't have tricked him first? Belle was held hostage and probably suffered from Stockholm Syndrome, as oppose to feeling real love for the Beast. Even in Disney's newest movie, Tangled, Rapunzel fell in love with the first guy she met after leaving the tower for the first time since she'd been kidnapped -- how fair is that?

I can't fully blame Disney though. William Shakespeare wrote about love before Disney. Romeo and Juliet loved each other so much they killed themselves because they didn't want to live without each other. Teenagers are always trying to relate to this -- it's the feeling that someone else loves you so much they would rather DIE than be without you. It's dramatic and many all-black wearing, poetry-loving, emo teens (and some adults) relate.
The fact is, loving someone so much you would rather die than be without them is unhealthy.

And that brings me to my next example: Twilight.
Edward and Bella.

If I have to hear about their "great love" one more time I might throw up in my mouth.
There is no "great love". It's dysfunctional at best and anyone who thinks otherwise obviously can't tell a healthy relationship from a hole in the ground.
Edward is okay at first. Saving her from the car and trying to stay away from Bella are all good examples of GOOD judgement on his part. That's smart. He's a vampire, she's human. If Buffy and Angel taught us anything, it's that a human/vampire relationship will not work.

Taking the battery out of her car so she can't go see Jacob? Controlling. You better believe that if my "boyfriend" removes the battery from my car so I can't leave my house, I will tell him to put the battery down, leave and never call me again. It's NOT okay and it's NOT okay for tweens, teens and adults to think this behavior is okay. It's not romantic, it's not passionate and it's not cute. It's controlling and abusive.

But you know what? Bella is a teenager so I can forgive her (a little) for the way she reacts to things. I hate weakness in women and I don't think Bella is a good role model for ANYONE, let alone growing, impressionable tweens/teens but she is a teenager herself so to me, she gets some leeway for her irrational behavior.
The whole second book is Bella whining about her boyfriend being gone -- and how long does she whine? Six months? A year? Edward was her first boyfriend, I get that but even this divorce from my husband (who I've been with for 9 years, we have two children and he's practically my first boyfriend) is not causing me as much pain as poor little weak Bella felt in the second book.
Also, I don't think Jacob was wrong at all about Bella dying so she can become a vampire. He did not agree with it, neither did I.

I go back to Buffy but trust me, Buffy and Angel's love was so much better (and HEALTHY -- even after he turned evil and killed/kidnapped her friends and tried to kill her) than Edward and Bella.
I just don't understand how their relationship can be looked upon as The Greatest Love. It's truly not.
Buffy would NOT have sacrificed her literal life to be with Angel for eternity and you know what? He would have never asked her to do that. They were in love -- it HURT them both to break up but they knew it couldn't work. They could love each other and he always came back to her when she needed him (when her mom died, he came and held her in the cemetery) but they knew they couldn't be together. 
Sometimes it's better to be strong and know it can't work out than sacrifice EVERYTHING to be with another person. 
For Bella there was no way for Edward to meet her in the middle. She had to give up everything. It doesn't matter that she was okay with it. She shouldn't have been okay with it. Relationships are 50/50 -- there was no way for Edward to give his 50. Maybe Bella suffered from Stockholm Syndrome too.

(-LINK- Click the link. The link shares even more Twilight hatin' and I love it so just do it!)

But it's not just Twilight. Yes I can rant about it forever but it's not just Twilight. I can blame Twilight on Stephanie Meyers love (dis)illusion.
It's not just Twilight. It's every romantic comedy i.e. the adult fairytale.
It's Katheryn Heigl and Jennifer Aniston, trying to convince us through entertainment that love exists. But IF stories like that happen to real life girls, it's the exception, not the rule. Trust me, you're never the exception. You will NEVER be the exception (unless you are - lol).
Guys in movies are NOT like guys in real life.
I'm a firm believer that if someone wants to be with you, they will be with you -- or at least try. If it's worth it to them, they will try. They call, they email, they facebook -- they make plans to see you.
AND IF you find someone to marry, you will be lucky if they are somewhat normal, who won't try to kill you after a few years of marriage and who will only cause mild emotional damage.

The illusion of love explains my constant disappointment with guys. I haven't met one man that I would even consider being with (after my future ex) because they are all disappointing. I don't believe ANY of them would climb up a tower for me -- even my (future ex) husband included, at our best. I don't believe any of them would slay a dragon or even think about me before themselves.
None of them will never live up to my expectations... Perhaps it's because I have a lot of expectations.
I guess I'm cynical and demanding.

I always have a tiny sliver of hope though. That's my personal love disillusionment.