unconditional love, pansexuality and restlessness

Constance and I were talking about her friend who thinks her husband needs to lose weight and always trash talks him and how we felt sorry for him. It made me think about love and how it should be UNconditional -- especially in that way. I really thought love was suppose to be about more than looks but apparently to some people it isn't.
I really feel like romantic love CAN (and should) be unconditional. I still love my (future ex) husband, even if I don't want to be with him. Is it fair to him if I can't give myself to him fully?
I found I would hide parts of myself from him. Pushing them down way far inside myself, I would hide these things from because I knew he didn't want to know or couldn't handle it. It's not his fault that I did this and when I think about it, it wasn't really fair to him. I didn't really give him a fair chance to know this girl that everyone else knows.

-SIGH- WHO KNOWS? The more I live life, the more I realize how complicated and gray it is.

Constance and I were talking about people we were attracted to (in a totally different conversation). It was on that day that she decided that it was her job to hand out other peoples sexualities, like some kind of Sexual Identity Fairy.
Constance declared my sexuality as Pansexual (which I accepted graciously).

Pansexual: "adjective; not limited or inhibited in sexual choice with regard to gender or activity."

Pretty much it means that I am attracted to people based on their personalities, rather than looks.
I've found that to be mostly true. I can usually know within 10 minutes of talking to someone if I'm going to like them or not. You might not think that is an appropriate amount of time to judge whether or not someones personality fits your own but trust me... it really only takes ten minutes. That guideline works 90% of the time for me. Sure, there are people who I don't like at first and then realize how wildly wrong I was but that's the exception, not the rule.
I've been tired of just about everyones personality lately. I've been bored with almost everyone I talk to. I miss my friends and sisters and mom and I need new people in my life.
I like to think I'm this quiet, loner introvert  who doesn't make friends easily -- oh and SHY. I'm also shy. When I use the word "SHY" to describe me, though, FOR SOME REASON, my closest friends always inform me that I am not shy. But if that is true, why do I keep describing myself as such?! Why is it so hard to believe that I am shy? I imagine Jackie Kennedy was shy when she first met people. She was a real lady after all -- not just a real lady but also a First Lady. I'm guessing it's the Marilyn side of me that isn't shy.

I'm just restless. I cannot wait for school to start. I switched my classes again but this time I'm taking "Writing for Radio/Television/Film" -- I know, I'm even jealous of me right now. I have my whole next year planned out though and unless something catastrophic happens (knock on wood!), I fully intend on following through with them.

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