bipolar

I'm pretty sure I was called bi-polar twice last week. I'm not bi-polar though, guys!
Not yet. Haha!

I learned something new about myself -- (or, maybe it's, "I just accepted a personality trait"):

I overreact.

In my opinion, it's normal for people to overreact a little. That's what people who are prone to overreacting says though, right?

I'm not a scary overreacter. I don't go to extremes with my actions.
But with my feelings? Yeah. I overreact. I have extreme feelings.
I think I take things way too personal AND I overanalyze EVERYTHING.

I can't help the overanalying. It just happens. I question everything, the intent behind the action -- more importantly, the intent behind the word. I don't want to be someone who questions everyones intentions but I can't help it. It's safer for me that way. I cannot be hurt again. I'm sure I will be. Not everyone divorces their husbands and falls in love with their next partner and I'm sure that is not what will happen for me.

BESIDES THAT, dear reader - as I'm sure you are reminding me - my BITT goals expressly STATE "No romance". It's written on the blog post so I'm pretty sure that makes it almost legally binding - sort of similar to common law marriage.

ALSO I jump head-first into things JUST to see how I react to them. This is why I can't hardly get upset with anything that happens to me. I pretty much cause (a lot, not all) of the stress in my life -- just by jumping into things. Will I ever learn to do the things I should?

It's SO hard to stay positive. I don't know how easy I make it seem. I'm hoping that I make it seem like a breeze but trust me, it's really hard to stay positive. It's hard to maintain such a positive outlook.
I'm naturally a positive person so when I have to FIGHT every negative emotion in my body, it gets exhausting. That's why I believe it's good to have moments where you aren't fighting your instincts.
BUT it gets easier every day.
Today I'm feeling so positive -- without fighting negative impulses. I'm full of happiness right now.

My favorite love song of the moment:

"I want a love that's side by side, I want a love that holds me tight. I want love that feels like a dream but when I wake up, he's still there with me.
So put me up on a pedestal, give me everything I need but give it to me so completely that there will be no more wishing..."