"it must be cold there in my shadow..."

I am about over it.
Seriously.

It's time to get busy living or staying stagnant and dying.
I know that isn't Andy's quote from Shawshank Redemption.
The quote is "get busy living or get busy dying".
Either way, it's true.

My blog is called 'can't really say the sh*t I wanna say' for a reason, huh?! It sure as hell is.
Anyway.

(random subject change:)
I know I'm not like normal girls. I get awkward around people but not in the Zooey Deschanel, "a-dork-able" way -- but also, not like my former astronomy teacher either. It's very clear to me, at times, that I am different. I say random things. This just started. I went from not saying anything when meeting new people to saying what I'm thinking. Sometimes it turns people off. Sometimes when I'm around people that obviously aren't as... "smart" as I am, I can literally feel the mood switch in the room and suddenly, I'm this weirdo who knows too much. Maybe I seem arrogant because I use 'big words' or  because I watch the news (sometimes) or maybe I seem nerdy because I can quote Shawshank Redemption or Back to the Future or The IT Crowd (or that I even know what The IT Crowd is --Chris O'Dowd-- (the real one!) squeeeee!...).

I know I'm not like normal girls because there are things about myself that I value that others don't. Most of my friends aren't like 'normal' girls either so I'm lucky that way.

I don't even know why I'm discussing my weirdness.
I need to be venting about living in the shadow of other people. Apparently that's where I live -- and have lived. I'm stuck in the shadow of other people. Well, one other person and it's chilly as hell.



I'm over it.

I am meant for something.
This whole thing -- this whole divorce FEELS like it's the right thing.


Welcome back.

While I am not religious, I cannot believe that something that felt as RIGHT as this (and continues to feel right -- even if I have weak moments) can be the wrong thing. I don't believe it is -- even in my weakness.
Marilyn has been taking the focus off my BITT goals.
Jackie is back now.
And trust that I will shine and be the person outside that I know I am inside.
Because inside? I'm a friggin' shining star.
I will not fizzle out and be nothing.