"but when you go hard, your 'nay's become 'yay's..."

I may or may not have overreacted to my exhusband today. I mean, he's easy to overreact too though. It's easy to take things out on him because... well, for one thing, he's far away AND because it just is. He's an easy scapegoat. What's he doing to do? Ignore me? He's doing that now. Hopefully he knows that I was just having a moment and will be fine tomorrow.

Besides that moment of freaking out on him, we were doing fine. He trusted me enough to fill me in on different aspects of his life. I can't post about them here but trust me, I WISH I could. It's totally blog-worthy.

Hey, exhusband, if you're reading this, you should totally blog about your new life -- because it's funny.

We're friends and I love that. I missed having him in my life. It's still awkward at times but it's okay. I love that we're both adult enough to be friends. I feel so lucky that way.

Other than that, I feel like everything is working out horribly this week. There is a lot of bullshit happening in my life -- stuff that none who live in my house deserves. It's enough to make me want to burn one of my 'marshmallow fireside' candles and pray. Who am I praying to? I have no idea.

I feel like I'm losing it.
But I feel like it will get better.
I need to get a job.
I don't think I'm going to feel better until I feel productive -- and I currently don't feel productive.

I also feel like I want to move. I know it would be a bad decision to move in the middle of the school year, etc but it's just how I feel. I want to move.

I don't know what my problem is. Just about everything in my life is FINE and yet I still feel awful/unproductive/ughhh. I said on facebook, "if your life sucks, it's probably your own fault" -- I fully believe that. Maybe that's why I feel like I need to make changes -- because if I don't like it, I should change it, right??? Right.
Stop complaining and start changing.

Totally feeling it right now.