Dearest Drunk Me,

   You are complicating my life with your antics.
    First of all, I have a small amount of self-control anyway but when Drunk Me emerges, any semblance to anything that looks like self-control just flies out the window. When someone I am attracted to flirts with me, no matter the situation, I'll flirt back. I can't help that anyway. I am very flirty. You need to try harder to keep that in check. Married, Drunk John might have been correct when he was laughing at you for yelling at him about something someone else did -- it was a little out of control for a second.
     Second of all, I know letting you 'out' (AKA over-drinking) is a choice that I freely make -- obviously and since it's a choice, I can't hide behind being drunk to explain away my actions. I called my (now ex) friend a coward for not being able to express his feelings except when he's drunk. That is cowardly so I guess I'm a coward sometimes too. 
      I get it, we're hurt, me and you and we're having a difficult time of it. But you know what? I am awesome and beautiful and whatever happens is going to be okay.
      It will be okay. I promise.
      Next time you're in Austin, Drunk Me, you will NOT cry. You will NOT call any person you know from there OR text anyone who isn't there, you will not flirt like 'Drunk Me' (sloppy) but you will stay in a good spot and channel Marilyn.
     Also, don't count on 'Drunk Constance' (or Jenkins, Michelle Tanner OR Randy) to censor you because she absolutely will not. It's not her job and you can't just do things and expect people to stop you. You do them because you want to do them, and it's nobody elses responsibility to keep you in check.
     I do, however, give you permission to throw a drink on the next unavailable man (engaged, girlfriend, married) who hits on you. Apparently we're an 'Unavailable Man' magnet. It's okay to be upset about it -- just don't be upset so loud and don't take it out on every other person you meet. It's not their fault.

Love and Kisses,
Sober Me

(this may sound like I have a drinking problem. I don't -- but some things happened recently that took place while I was a touch inebriated and this blog post is a result. It's probably not the END result of all of my stupid and thoughtless actions but it is resulting of it.)