austin weekend (aka tmi)

this coming up weekend is Austin Weekend Redux. Words cannot express how excited I am.

The first Austin Weekend -- the ORIGINAL, the one that started it all -- was my littlest sister's, Michelle Tanner, 21st birthday.
I arrived before EVERYONE because I live the closest. We had eight people -- my sisters, Michelle Tanner and Kelly Kapowski, Bee and Ani, and Heather and her friend -- in two adjoining rooms. I don't smoke but when a group went outside to smoke (apparently in the parking garage attached to the La Quinta), they met two random dudes who followed them back to our room and just CAME IN without asking.
What these guys didn't know or expect was that Bee brought a taser -- kind of as a joke because in my monthly messages/updates to the group about the trip, I said we needed to bring mace, just in case. Bee went further than that and brought a taser.
The thing is Kelly Kapowski is NOT afraid to tase somebody. My sister, Kelly Kapowski, will get in the middle of the biggest brawl and not even break a sweat. She is tough and can handle herself better than any female I've ever known.
Unfortunately, she DIDN'T tase these guys --  she did have the taser ON and ready and was threatening them to get out of the room. They kept telling her to do it. We already had gotten a noise complaint(yes, on the first night) and she said she knew if she did, all of us would start screaming (I imagine screaming in laughter) and we'd get kicked out.
They ended up leaving the room though.
The next day, we went to Guadalupe St and had pizza at a place down there. I had a massive migraine (NOT a hangover -- I didn't drink much the night before) and went back to the hotel so I missed most of the day. My sweet little sister, Michelle Tanner, brought me a Sprite because I threw up. My migraines ruin EVERYTHING.
I started to feel better just in time to go out that night. Michelle Tanner and Heather left before everyone else. When we found them, MT and Heather were drinking (their 6th glass of??)Sangria and eating the best chicken quesadilla ever at el sol de la luna. Michelle Tanner was almost 'ad to mount right bow' at that point but after I ordered a chicken quesadilla and one drink, we left.
We went to another bar called Touche - where they have $1 schnapps shots in 7 different flavors. Obviously, we had to try them all. Peppermint tastes like toothpaste so it should be saved to last and Root Beer should not be had at all. I don't remember the other flavors.

Michelle Tanner was so excited about her birthday though, she kept telling EVERYONE. I don't think I'd ever seen her that drunk before. She was telling EVERYONE that it was her birthday and that they should buy her a shot of Patron. And they did it EVERY TIME. She's so generous though, she made sure they included me.

Once on the street, the cops told us that we needed to take "Janis Joplin" home, talking about MT and then she took it upon herself  to hit on a pedicab guy. Kelly Kapowski and Bee ended up taking her back to the hotel. Ani got lost from all of us and ended up back at the hotel.

Austin Trip #2 - AKA Sebadoh Weekend
Thursday, they were in Norman, OK. Ani and Bee met up and went to that together.

Friday, I took a train to Dallas (yes, a TRAIN) where Ani's husband picked me up. We got back to their apartment a little late but in enough time for me to get kind of ready for Sebadoh in Dallas.
I met some interesting people on the train. I met a guy named Aaron, who reminded me of my little sister, Michelle Tanner - after he said, 'You're killin' me, Smalls" to me. The old lady who sat next during half the trip talked loudly in her cell phone and brought her own microwaved burrito and cheetos on the train (but she was nice!). I met another guy with red hair and cornrows - I can't remember his name right now but HE was the one who informed me that you can bring anything on the train. It's not like an airplane, where they search you. He brings bottles of alcohol to drink so he doesn't have to buy the pricey train drinks. It sounded like a solid plan to me since I spent $6 on a Portal 2 (vodka&cranberry) for lunch.
Sebadoh was awesome that night. AND I drank a Dos Equis (I hate beer) in honor of my Mexican love, Lisa Turtle. But that was pretty much all I drank. I never drink much the first night. It's my M.O..

Saturday, we woke up "early". I say "early" because it was before noon. We ate Chick-Fil-A and headed out of town around 11am. I had decided to follow the previous days trend of drinking for lunch. Mandarin Orange flavored Absolute and orange sode was my lunch that day. Cheetos was my dinner.
Sebadoh was playing at Emos. I had forgotten my ticket. Thankfully, Bee had an extra one. But like always, I ended up away from the group. That always happens to me. I'm a victim of circumstance.

I ended up back at the hotel at 5am. Bee was still awake and in the shower. I needed to throw up. I threw up in the tiny hotel trashcan. It was terrible. I woke up without a hangover though.

Sunday, we went to Torchy's Tacos and then went our separate ways. I always hate the Sundays.

Austin Trip #3 -- AKA Rugby Weekend
This weekend was a little different. Kelly Kapowski's husband, DBR, plays rugby. They live in Kansas but the championship, for all you non-rugby followers, was in Austin this year. I was going to go because I wanted to see Kelly Kapowski. I rarely get to see her and in fact, the last time (before this) that I had seen her was Original Austin Weekend.
Constance called and "invited herself to go" -- even though, I'm pretty sure I had already invited her. Or, maybe I just assumed she knew she could go if she wanted. THANKFULLY, at the last minute, she decided to go. I just knew it was going to take Rugby Weekend from a possible 5-6 to a TEN. Did I ever underestimate...
Just like every Austin Weekend before it, Friday night was full of settling in, meeting people and just hanging out. There wasn't a lot of craziness going on. A huge bus full of rugby players pulled up and men came barreling out of it. My brother-in-law, DBR, walked to my car (we were going to find a store so I could get a toothbrush since I forgot mine) and asked if him and his friend "Pink Rhino" could catch a ride. I said sure, even though we were four people deep already.

DBR and "Pink Rhino" get in and right off, "Pink Rhino" starts insulting different races and handicap people. He makes a comment about an old lady riding on the little scooter thing at Walmart. He was rubbing all of us the wrong way.
After getting a few supplies, Constance and I met up with DBR and "Pink Rhino" in line. We walked up and "Pink Rhino" is talking to this guy. It's important to know this stranger is black. He was also very well dressed and seemed smart, educated. He's was talking to "Pink Rhino" about college of some kind. We heard the tail-end of that conversation before "Pink Rhino" says to him, "Hey, I want to ask you a question... Where I come from, when you see a lot of Mexicans, you know it's the ghetto. Are we in the ghetto?"
Constance and I took that as our cue to back away slowly, lest ANYONE get the wrong idea and think we were with that guy.

We went to bed early and woke up later than we meant too. How is it MY fault that their rugby game started at 10:00am?! That would mean we would have had to be up and ready to go by, at least, 9:30 -- that's counting eating breakfast and everything. There was just NO way I was waking up before NINE AM during an Austin Weekend. It just wasn't gonna happen.
Needless to say, we missed the first game. In fairness to ME, though, on the way, we stopped at Burger King to get breakfast and there were a lot of hispanic men standing on the curb, waiting. Constance had her camera with her and wanted to photograph them. She's really into that and she takes really good photographs. So that took some time.
Another game started at 1 OR 2pm, I don't remember which and we caught most of that one. I was starting to get a migraine though so once we got back to the hotel, everyone went to the pool except me. I laid down. I'm telling you, my migraines ruin everything.

BUT I was better in time to get ready to go.
BACK STORY: Previously, females were NOT allowed to ride on the Rugby bus. Kelly Kapowski and a few other wives had to drive themselves if they wanted to go because they couldn't ride on the bus. Once the game was over, though, and they didn't make it to the championship, I guess the rules changed.
At 6:45, my phone rang. It was DBR calling to tell us that we could ride on the rugby bus downtown. I maintained my cool composure on the phone with him, replying, "Oh, that's cool. Now we don't have to drive. Thanks! We'll be down there soon..."
As soon as I got off the phone, all the suave-ness went straight out the window. After I informed Constance of DBR's offer, Constance jumped on the bed while I did my arm-swinging Charlie-Brown-Christmas-like dance and we were squealing and shouting, "rugby bus!".

Dinner was at this Irish pub called Fado. I had a "Chicken Boxty Quesadilla" -- which was a quesadilla made between two potato pancakes. It was really good. Our waitress was terrible. I know she had a lot of people to serve but we were a group of wives sitting together and we were polite to her. We were patient and she was rude. Constance and I would have dine-n-dashed except Kelly Kapowski was sitting there and she would have ended up paying for it, had we done that.
After that, the night was pretty crazy. We went to a bar called Jackalope -- and the bartender was rude. I know that 8 testosterone-filled rugby players chanting their little team jingle might be obnoxious but they were paying customers (and they were buying a lot) so the "go back to where you came from" comments were a little rude.
THEN we went to The Blind Pig and since you can't smoke inside bars in Austin (or the whole of Texas now, I believe), there was a rooftop bar and a $10 drink credit card minimum. I don't remember a lot. There was dancing. At one point, DBR challenged me to a dance-off and knocked my drink out of my hand.
To my dismay, I got lost going out the back door of the bar. Stand back there was there were a group of girls with amazing hair and they were all wearing dresses. I've taken to calling them the "Group of Hot Girls" -- not necessarily because I think they are "hot" but because they were all dressed and ready to go, obviously trying to look hot. They bought me more alcohol and I'm pretty sure we all took pictures together, as I distinctly remember the blinding flash of a digital camera.
I found my friends, though, further down the street and I ended up back at the hotel unscathed. I'm purposely leaving out an entire chunk of how the story ends but trust me, I'm pretty sure most of you know it. ANNND if you don't, don't worry -- it was pretty boring and you didn't miss anything ;)


I feel like I just spilled all our intimate secrets about our Austin Weekends (even though... I know I didn't).
Rule #1. Don't talk about Austin Weekends.
Rule #2. DO NOT TALK ABOUT AUSTIN WEEKENDS.
I might get jumped later...

But regardless, I am very excited about this upcoming weekend.
The group that is going is Bee, Ani -- MAYBE Michelle Tanner and of course, ME.
I cannot wait.