my weak emotional-immune system

I had a horrible day. I don't really want to go into specifics -- I just promise you that it's only mildly upsetting and is my own fault so I may be overreacting (which makes me grateful for my awesome, awesome friends).

The end of September was the turning point when all the good stuff started happening. It's been a pretty steady incline since then. I can't really complain. I hold no illusions that tomorrow won't be better -- and if not tomorrow, EVENTUALLY it will be better. Life isn't over, nothing (that happened today) is unfixable. I just need to pull myself together and figure stuff out.

What I keep thinking about since I started feeling this way is that I want to talk to him so bad.
I keep thinking I'm fine about him. I know this is what is best and I know getting divorced is what both of us want. I have a hard time letting people go though. Once you're IN with me, you're pretty much IN forever. I'm like a gang that way -- except you don't have to have sex with me to get 'IN' with me. I mean, it's not a requirement but it is recommended.

And since he isn't here, I don't have to think about him a lot. Out of sight, out of mind. Not to mention, I am gaining in distractions. When I get sad about something, though, my first instinct is still to run to him. THEN I remember he isn't mine to run to anymore. I'm sure he would talk to me and be nice to me, if I tried to talk to him. Anytime I DO try to talk to him about an issue (not relating to him or the kids), he's always really sweet about it.
I have to stop trying to run to him though. Like I said, he isn't mine to run to anymore. While I really want to be his friend, the fact is we aren't friends right now.

It's only when my emotional-immune system is weak, I forget that we're not anything to each other anymore.

This isn't really about whether or not I want to BE with him. I know where we both stand. I'm pretty sure it's just residual feelings from being together SO long, from being so close to him and being his friend. How do you just STOP being best friends with someone? It's almost been a year since we separated (11 months) and that's where I get stuck. How long is this going to take?

I guess I just miss my friend.